The Trouble With Eden - Lawrence Block [148]
“I bet I know the question. How many girls have I done this with?”
“You don’t have to answer.”
“Why not? Two. Well, three. You’re the third.”
“Is that all?”
“Uh-huh. I’m mostly into guys. With a girl I have to have a special feeling. Well, with guys, too, but it’s a different feeling with girls. There aren’t as many girls that I have that feeling for.” She thought for a moment. “I didn’t know that I had it for you. You don’t have to believe it if you don’t want to, but I didn’t come with this in mind. Not consciously in mind, anyway. I really came over to talk with you.” A soft smile. “It didn’t take me long to get in the mood, did it?”
“Or me. I … thought about this before.”
“Before I made a pass? I know when you thought about it. I saw it in your face. When we were talking about being lonely.”
“You saw that? But I mean before tonight. I thought about making love to you. I don’t think I would have done anything. I just kept it in my mind. I never thought you would go for it.”
“That is really far-out.”
“Yeah.”
“It really is.”
“Could I ask you about the other two girls? Did they have experience?”
“The second one did.”
“Not the first? Jesus, how did either of you know what to do?”
“It was kind of funny. But, you know, we had both read things. Books. We knew what to do; it was a question of knowing how to get into it. We thought the best way would be sixty-nine, but it turned out to be a down. You can’t get into both things at the same time.”
“I was wondering about that.”
“It’s the same as with a man, you’re trying to hold two things in your mind at the same time. It’s easier to get it together behind grass but even then it’s better to take turns.”
“What’s it like with a nigger? I mean with somebody black.”
“One word’s as good as another, I guess.”
“I don’t really like that word. I say it sometimes; though. What’s it like?”
“Both of the girls were white.”
“I mean a black man.”
“I never made it with a spade. Oh, you mean the guy I brought home. I can’t think of his name.”
“Jeff.”
“You remembered and I didn’t. No, we didn’t make it. I was going to and I got uptight. Either because he was black or because I brought him home because he was black and that was dishonest and it bothered me. You never made that scene?”
“No. Sometimes I think I want to and sometimes I think I don’t.”
“I fooled around with some black guys at college. It never got past, you know, hand jobs. No particular reason. There’s not much difference. No, that’s bullshit, there’s a tremendous difference. At least for me, because you keep being conscious of the color. Not constantly but now you are and now you aren’t. For a minute you’ll be into the person and the color gets out of the way, and then it keeps fading back in on you. Maybe you get used to it. I didn’t, because I guess I turned out to be more hung up on race than I thought I was.”
“That’s very honest.”
“Well, Virgo.”
“I would never get past the color. I would keep hearing the word ‘nigger’ over and over in my head. If I got turned on that would be what turned me on. Don’t they have bigger cocks?”
“Not the ones I knew. Bigger when they were soft but about the same hard.”
“I’m only interested when they’re hard.”
“So am I.”
They giggled together. Then Melanie said, “Were both the girls at college with you?”
“Uh-huh. I learned a lot at college, but not what they wrote about in the catalog.”
Were you in love with either of them?”
“Both of them. I don’t like to ball if I’m not. Oh, I see. Sure, I’m in love with you, Melanie.”
“Jesus, don’t even say that!”
“And you’re in love with me. What’s wrong with that? Oh, wow, you’ve got more hangups than I thought. Do you really think you can only love one person?”
“Well, one person at a time.”
“Do you love your husband? Are you in love with him?”
“Yes, very much.”
“But you ball other guys.”
“There’s no love in it.”
“Isn’t that kind of sad?”
“Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know. I’d be afraid.”
“Isn’t it worse to ball them and not feel anything? I don’t mean in a moral way. I mean how you wind up feeling