The Trouble With Eden - Lawrence Block [149]
She closed her eyes and thought about the question.
“You can always tell me to cool it with the questions, Melanie. Just because I’ll answer just about anything doesn’t mean you have to.”
“That’s not it. I’m just not sure of the answer.”
“Well, that’s cool. I can dig it. Hey, what time is it, do you happen to know?”
“Let me see. It says a quarter to ten but that clock’s a little fast. Do you have to be somewhere? I wish you would stay.”
“I was thinking about your old man.”
“Oh, he won’t be home for hours. Tonight’s Thursday? We have hours.”
“Because I was wondering what he would do if he walked in and found us like this.”
She couldn’t help laughing. Karen joined her, and when the laughter subsided the girl said, “I guess he’d have a fit.”
“Oh, no. Not Sully.”
“You mean he’d dig it? I’ve heard that. That it turns men on. And they don’t consider other chicks as a threat, not as if it was another man.”
“No, that’s only part of it.”
“Huh?”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Do you want to know something? I’ve been going out of fucking mind lately.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know if I can tell you. I never told anyone. That’s what’s killing me, wanting to tell somebody and there’s nobody in the world to tell. I mean a woman, it’s nothing to talk about with a man. Or maybe it is but not in the same way.” She studied Karen thoughtfully. “What we said before about being sisters. I still feel that. But I couldn’t tell this to a sister, I mean a regular sister. I have this feeling that I could tell you.”
“I would never repeat anything.”
“Oh, I know that, you don’t have to tell me that. I have the feeling that I could tell you this and it wouldn’t shock you.”
“I was going to say nothing could shock me, but that’s bullshit. Some things shock me. But never the things you would expect. I think you better tell me before you explode, whatever it is. I guess it has to do with sex.”
“Yes, sure, what else.” She pointed to the pack of cigarettes. Karen passed her one, lit it for her. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Anyplace.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
It surprised her how easy it was to talk about it. The words flowed in a steady stream. She began with Sully’s first problems with impotence and worked her way straight through to the present. Karen never interrupted, never said a word. Sometimes Melanie averted her own gaze when she spoke about certain things, but when her eyes returned to Karen, the younger girl was always gazing straight into them, her expression one of total interest and total acceptance.
It was as if she were talking to herself, much as making love to Karen had had an autoerotic element to it. At the same time it was far more than talking to herself, even as their lovemaking had been worlds beyond simple masturbation. Karen’s ears gathered her words as Karen’s eyes gathered her own eyes, as Karen’s loins had gathered and drunk the reverse, unknown side of her womanhood.
“You get to be on the other side of the mirror.”
That had been Karen’s phrase, and Melanie had caught portions of its meaning when she heard the words but could not understand all of it until she had taken the looking-glass trip herself. She had reached the other side of the mirror in lovemaking. Now she was reaching it in speech. It seemed incredible to her that she had never done this before. It was so vital to do this. If you never looked through from the other side of the mirror then you never saw yourself plain. All you ever looked at was your reflection.
When she had finished talking, when the words ran out, she sat in silence. She was waiting, but not for Karen to speak. She was waiting to hear the echo of her own words. Then something within her that had been tight was suddenly loose, something that had been a knot untied herself. She sat perfectly still, silent, not sobbing, and tears fell out of her eyes.
When the tears stopped, she got up without a word and went down for fresh drinks. She did not wipe her tears away. When she was back in bed Karen wiped them with a touch as soft as petals.
Melanie