The valley of horses_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [288]
“With Zolena, I didn’t have to worry. Yet, she could make men happy who were smaller—she had ways of control, too. There wasn’t a man who didn’t want her—and she chose me. After a while, she chose me all the time, though I was hardly more than a boy.
“But there was one man who kept after her, though he knew she didn’t want him. It made me angry. When he saw us together, he’d tell her to pick a man for a change. He wasn’t as old as Zolena, but older than I. I was bigger, though.”
Jondalar closed his eyes, but kept on. “It was so stupid! I shouldn’t have done it, it only called attention to us, but he wouldn’t let her alone. He made me so furious. One day I hit him, and then I couldn’t stop.
“They say it’s not good for a young man to be with one woman too much. With more women, there’s less chance that he will form an attachment. Young men are supposed to mate young women; older women are only supposed to teach them. They always blame the woman if a young man grows to feel too much for her. But they shouldn’t have blamed her. I didn’t want any of those other women, I wanted only Zolena.
“Those women seemed so crude then, insensitive, teasing, making fun of the men all the time, especially the young men. Perhaps I was insensitive, too, chasing them away from me, calling them names.
“They’re the ones who choose the men for First Rites. All the men want to be chosen—they always talk about it. It’s an honor, and it’s exciting, but they worry about being too rough, or too hasty, or worse. What good is a man if he can’t even open a woman? Anytime a man passes a group of women, they tease.”
He shifted his voice to a falsetto and mimicked. “ ‘Here’s a handsome one. Would you like me to teach you a thing or two?’ Or, ‘I haven’t been able to teach this one anything, anyone else willing to try?’ ”
Then in his own voice, “Most men learn to give it back and enjoy the banter as much as the women, but it’s hard on young men. Any man passing a group of laughing women wonders if they are laughing at his expense. Zolena wasn’t like that. The other women didn’t like her much, maybe because the men liked her too much. On any of the Mother’s holidays or festivals, she was first choice …
“The man I hit lost several teeth. It’s hard on a man that young to lose teeth. He can’t chew, and women don’t want him. I’ve been sorry ever since. It was so stupid! My mother made compensation for me, and he moved to another Cave. But he comes to Summer Meetings, and I wince every time I see him.
“Zolena had been talking about serving the Mother. I thought I would be a carver and serve Her in that way. That was when Marthona decided I might have an aptitude for stone working and sent word to Dalanar. Not long afterward, Zolena left to take special training, and Willomar took me to live with the Lanzadonii. Marthona was right. It was best. When I returned after three years, Zolena was no more.”
“What happened to her?” Ayla asked, almost afraid to speak.
“Those Who Serve the Mother give up their own identity and take on the identity of the people for whom they intercede. In return, the Mother gives them Gifts unknown to Her ordinary children: Gifts of magic, skill, knowledge—and power. Many who go to Serve never progress beyond acolytes. Of those who receive Her call, only a few are truly talented, but they rise in the ranks of Those Who Serve very quickly.
“Just before I left, Zolena was made High Priestess Zelandoni, First among Those Who Serve the Mother.”
Suddenly Jondalar jumped up and saw the scarlet and gold western sky through the cave openings. “It’s still daylight. I feel like going for a swim,” he said, striding quickly out of the cave. Ayla picked up her wrap and long thong and followed him. By the time she reached the beach, he was in the water. She took off her amulet, walked in a few feet, then kicked off. He was far upstream. She met him on his way back.
“How far did you go?” she asked.
“To the falls,” he said. “Ayla, I have never told that to anyone before. About Zolena.”
“Do you ever see Zolena?