The Way We Were_ A Novel - Marcia Willett [36]
Tiggy swallows her tears with difficulty. ‘What about the funeral?’
Another hesitation. ‘Do you know, Miss Tegan, I wouldn't be too anxious about that. Listening to the way your father is making preparations I think it would be just as well if you stayed put.’
‘Not come?’
‘It's to be a very small affair. Your father says that those of her friends who haven't already passed on are too frail to attend, He sees no point in inviting them. You have to ask yourself what she would have wanted, things being as they are. That's what you need to think about. Apart from the lawyer, Mr Glynn, it'll just be your father and your stepmother by the sounds of it.’
‘She's not my stepmother, Mrs Hartley. The word “step-mother” implies some involvement in the child's life. My mother died and I have no need of a replacement. Giselle is my father's second wife.’
‘That's quite true. I'll go and pack up those things now, Miss Tegan. I'll telephone again later on and tell you what's happening.’
* * *
‘So what will you do?’ asks Julia when Tiggy had repeated the conversation.
Tiggy shrugs helplessly. ‘It seems terrible not to go to my grandmother's funeral but I can't help imagining what it will be like.’
‘I think Mrs Hartley is right,’ says Julia. ‘It won't work. I know that funerals are supposed to be part of the mourning process but how can it be in these circumstances? All that antagonism between you and your father. And you won't be able to pretend about the baby. I think you should take Mrs Hartley's advice. It's probably how your grandmother would want it anyway.’
‘It just seems disrespectful,’ says Tiggy sadly. ‘Ungrateful and uncaring.’
‘But we know it isn't, and nobody else matters,’ says Julia firmly.
The box arrives so promptly that the girls believe that Tiggy's grandmother and Mrs Hartley had been well prepared. Apart from the books and some toys, the small parcel of jewellery is packed separately and with it is a letter. Tiggy takes it away to read.
My dear Tegan,
These things are mine so you have no need to feel anxious. They are not particularly valuable – the best pieces were given to me by your grandfather and must remain with the estate – but I hope you will lake pleasure in them and think of me when you wear them. Perhaps one day you will have a daughter who might like them.
I have never been very good at showing my emotions but I hope you know how very much I love you. When you were born it was I who suggested your name. Tegan means ‘beautiful’ and ‘blessed’. I know you are the first. I can only hope with all my heart that, in the life ahead of you, you will be the second.
God bless you, my darling,
Your loving Grandmother
Sitting on her bed, Tiggy weeps. She opens the parcel and gently touches the string of pearls and the little silver locket. She threads the pretty garnet necklace through her fingers over and over again, as if some essence of her grandmother might be drawn from it, and weeps even more bitterly. It occurs to her that she has no family of her own left now; nobody to whom she might turn and nowhere that she can go for sanctuary. She sees her future, bleak and hedged on all sides with difficulty, and she is filled with despair. Sitting there, her fingers clenched on the necklace, her glance falls on the little Merlin. He stands on her bedside table, his chin up, hurrying towards the future, unafraid.
Was this the reason that her grandmother chose him as a farewell present? Tiggy picks up the bronze; smoothing the silky light-reflecting metal, remembering her grandmother's insistence that she should take it. The boy Merlin is both symbol and mascot: he stares bravely into the future, yet he is the future. Tiggy realizes that her own child could be seen in two ways: either as a dragging weight, causing her to be fearful and despairing, or as a reason