Theory of Constraints Handbook - James Cox Iii [711]
I will illustrate the chronic nature of this father-son relationship with several specific examples drawn from my personal relationship with my son. I am not saying that I have a perfect relationship with my son through this case study. I am saying that there is a chronic problem in the father-child (any parent—any child) relationship and it must be recognized and addressed as such or there is no relationship.
Father-Son “Rules” Dilemma (Primary School)
Situation: “Put your toys away.” “Clean your room.” “Make your bed.” “Clean up the bathroom.” “Go to your room and study.” Are these commands that you seem to be giving to your children more frequently? Are their actions coming slower and slower? My son was starting to question—Why? Why do I have to do it now?
FIGURE 38-1 Father-son relationship conflicts.
This questioning of rules marks the start of the chronic conflict of the father-son relationship. Be careful in how you respond as this period marks the beginning of the struggle between a parent and the child; of letting the child grow to accept responsibilities. Please read the cloud in Fig. 38-1b carefully to understand each person’s assumptions and his suggested injection.
Win-win solution (based on the NBR): Dad has four basic rules (short version) which can never be violated—(1) No drugs. (2) No sex. (3) No smoking. (4) No drinking and driving. All other rules are negotiable based on the situation. I recognize that my son may have violated some of these rules occasionally, but I added a fifth rule when he reached the age of 21. The added rule is: (5) Use the cloud and NBR for evaluating the decisions you make. Recognize that you must live with the negative consequences of the decisions you make.
Father-Son “Curfew” Dilemma (High School)
Situation: My son and I seemed to argue continually about what time he was required to be home. This situation worsened when he got his driver’s license. Please read the cloud in Fig. 38-1c carefully to understand each person’s assumptions and his suggested injection.
Win-win solution: Based on the situation, determine an approximate reasonable hour. If you change plans or may be late, then immediately call home and renegotiate. For any serious problem, call home immediately.
Father-Son “Major Issue” Dilemma (College)
Occasionally, a major issue will crop up between my son and me. When it does, it lasts a long time. The following is just such an issue.
Situation: My son was driving his truck and had an accident, which was his fault. He admitted that he caused the accident (fortunately, no one was hurt). The dilemma—our insurance had a $500 deductable. I wanted him to pay the $500 deductable and he wanted me to pay the $500 deductable. Please read the cloud in Fig. 38-1d carefully to understand each person’s assumptions and his suggested injection.
Win-win solution: My son pays the deductable by working for his dad (flexible hours). He cleaned and stained the deck. He also set up dad’s computer system, checked all files and diskettes for viruses, and restructured the hard drive. He did several tasks dad never could find time for or the desire to do. Son desperately wanted to resolve this situation but did not want to cash in a certificate of deposite (CD). He always saved his money to buy CDs and had never cashed any in.
Father-Son “Co-Op” Dilemma (College)
Situation: My son calls home very excited about the opportunity of co-oping with a company at $15 per hour. We were quite excited for him as well. The job would look good on his resume and may result in a future job with that company. He had already checked with his advisor to determine the impact of co-oping on his graduation date. The advisor had stated that it would delay his graduation 2 years. He is in chemical engineering and several courses are specialized and offered only once a year. Understanding the problems of taking prerequisites, I was quite concerned. Please read the cloud in Fig. 38-1e carefully to understand each person’s assumptions and his suggested injection.