There but for The_ A Novel - Ali Smith [72]
Nothing but shame, now.
What’s a shame? the girl said.
What’s a shame? May can’t remember. All she can see in her head is a butterfly, but in the winter too, so no hope there, a butterfly out and about in winter’s good as dead. What was a shame? She tried to remember. It must have been in the war, whatever it was.
A periscope on a torpedoed sub. It got dredged up, oh, forty years later it was. Covered in, in, that stuff that covers things under the water. Barnacles, you know, and the, the coloured stuff.
Like you mean coral? the girl said.
On the TV.
Wow, the girl said.
Oh the artfulness the sinfulness the wickedness of men. You’ll fall and break your neck off the height of them boots, girl.
You’re worse than my mother, the girl said, telling me what to do. And I don’t even know you.
You’ve come for me. Eh?
I’m just here for the day, the girl said. You took some finding, but we found you.
The girl showed her a piece of paper with writing on it, but May hadn’t her glasses and couldn’t read the writing.
Uno Hoo.
What? the girl said.
Philip had bought May a camera for her Christmas once. It was the latest thing, a Kodak Disc, like a normal camera but a little round thing inside it instead of a spool. It didn’t catch on; it wasn’t long before it was hard to get the round things to take the photos on in the shops any more. But May still had it in its box in the top cupboard above the wardrobe. Keep it alive. Keep it with Kodak. Because it was a Christmas gift, it had a place on its cardboard box where you could write who it was to and who it was from. Next to To was May’s name, in Philip’s handwriting. Next to From he’d written UNO WHO, then crossed out with the pen the word WHO and written, under it, HOO.
UNO HOO in ballpoint now meant more to May than any camera.
Well, he went, and now it’s me.
The door opened. The sharp-eyed nurse came in. This nurse was the one who cleaned May too roughly. May slumped down just a touch too late, but this nurse wasn’t a noticer, didn’t notice a thing.
Visiting’s not till two thirty, the nurse said to the girl. You’re far too early. You’ll definitely have to leave while we do the lunches in any case.
Okay, the girl said.
I’ll show you where the day room is, the nurse said. It’s at the end of the corridor, I’ll show you in a minute once I’ve checked her over.
May winced.
Right, the girl said. No worries. Thanks.
The girl came forward with the box of Kleenex. She stood between May and the nurse and she took a tissue out. She wiped at the side of May’s mouth with it, soft.
She speaking yet? the nurse said over the top of May’s head.
Not a squeak, the girl said. She’s pretty out of it.
After she said this she winked down at May like a pro.
Then the nurse went out into the corridor with the girl and the door swung shut.
Well, it’s just what happens in a life.
Well, if I went to Harbour House, would Uno Hoo be what they call a small memento?
Them and their Harbour House.
Well, if they can’t dispatch me to Harbour House, well, they’d not have cocked a snook at death then, would they? And then they’d be next. It’d mean they were next. Them next up. Next in line to the throne.
Well, they are.
Well, I won’t slight them for their lack of kind.
Well, I wish them luck.
Well, truth’s like the sun. Look right at it and that’s your eyes ruined for life.
Well, it’s time. It’s time. It’s time I upped and went.
When the girl came back in and no nurse with her, May sat up, ready.
Shoes.
What? the girl said.
Shoes.
You want your shoes? the girl said.
She bent down and picked them up from under the bed. May stretched out her arms. Two old arms stretched out in front of her. The girl put the shoes in the old hands. The old hands held them in May’s lap, ready.
Come on.
Where? the girl said.
Come on.
You can’t go anywhere like that, the girl said.
Where we going?
I’m only supposed to sit with you, the girl said. Nobody said nothing about going nowhere.
You’ve to take me.
Take you where? the girl said.