Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me - Ben Karlin [14]
I lost fifty pounds in three months.
In those early days after she broke up with me, I would go for a long run every night before bed to try to kill my brain until dawn. One night before my medicinal jog, a friend called to ask if I wanted to meet up for a beer. He was finishing a late shift at a chophouse and suggested we meet at his apartment and go out from there.
Even though I knew that he lived right behind XXXXX’s apartment, I agreed. Maybe XXXXXXXX. I’m not sure. But I ran over. (It was a short run. I had moved into her neighborhood after we broke up.)
When I arrived he wasn’t home yet. And because there were no chairs on his porch, I sat down on the decking and waited with my back against the door. From that low position, I stared out through the bars of his railing at the dark windows of XXXXX’s apartment just ten yards away, XXXXXXXX she would come home soon, and I could XXXXX her from my hidden perch. Maybe I would XXXXXXX XXXXX. Maybe not.
Her lights came on. I could see straight into her kitchen as she walked in with a man (I think it was XXXXXXXX) and lead him by the hand XXXXXXXX. The lights went off again.
XXXXXXXX minutes later, the living room lights come on, and she came out of the XXXXXXXX wearing only XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX. She got a glass of water and returned to the XXXXXXXXXX, taking a small sip along the way, no doubt to XXXXXXXX the XXXXXXX her XXXXXX.
The light went out again. They stayed out for the entire XXXXXX XXXXX that I sat there XXXXXXXX behind the bars of the balcony, watching the darkened windows.
I’ve never come close to drowning, but XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXmesquite smoker XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX on the floor of her grandfather’s cabin XXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX?!!!!! XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX behind the Roman emperor on a chain.
Instead, I just sat there.
My friend never arrived, and I later learned that he XXXXXXX XXXXXXXX. Since then, he’s become a committed Christian.
I was still in my running shorts, and the night was turning cold, so I finally pulled myself up and walked down XXXXXX Avenue toward my apartment. Halfway home, I passed a storefront with the neon sign PALMS READ in the window. I walked in and a middle-aged XXXXXXXX woman got up from her couch where she was watching XXXXXXXXX-speaking TV. She led me to a small room down a hall and sat down across from me at a card table. She asked for XXXXXXXXXX, and I gave it to her.
She smoothed my fingers out on the table soothingly. After a quick glance at my palm, she looked up and said tentatively, “You are a XXXXXXXX?” I wasn’t, but I didn’t want to throw her off her game this early in the prophecy, so I said she was right. She smiled and nodded and soothed my hand again. With more confidence now, she said that she could see that I was XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX but that I would soon XXXXXXXXXXXX and in the years to come XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
She was right, on all three counts. I’ve never forgotten her words, although I’ve often XXXXXX I could forget XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX. It’s been seventeen years, and I’ve never XXXXX XXXXXXXX and I don’t think I XXXXXXXX XXXX.
I’d like to thank my beautiful wife, XXXXX, for editing this remembrance. I’d also like to thank XXXX for XXXXXXXX me while she did. I have often heard that you never XXXXXXXX the people you XXXXXXXX. I don’t know if that’s true. I do know that I’ll never XXXXXXXXXXXX that XXXXXXXXXX, and that’s XXXXX