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Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me - Ben Karlin [28]

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television. America will love to hate her, hate to love her. I can see the teasers: on next week’s episode, Eternal Sunshine makes a shocking confession. It will be disgusting. It will be spectacular. And I’ll be retching and cheering louder than anyone.

Lesson#12


I Still Like Jessica

by Rodney Rothman


In 1987, when I was thirteen years old, I dated Jessica. She was the first girl I ever dated. It lasted two weeks. Then she became the first girl to ever dump me. For years afterward I was secretly in love with her. In fact, it never really went away, even during the occasional times I saw her as an adult. In March 2007, using this book as an excuse, I called Jessica up in San Francisco to talk about it. With her permission, I taped the conversation.

JESSICA: Hello?

RODNEY: Jessica . . .

JESSICA: Hey . . .

RODNEY: Okay, cool. Sooooooooo . . . let me start with a basic question. Do you remember going out with me at all?

JESSICA: Uhhh okay, okay . . . [nervous giggles].

RODNEY: [nervous giggles]

JESSICA: Um . . . like, I am having a vague recollection. . . .

RODNEY: [giggles]

JESSICA: But I am not sure . . . if it’s . . . I would think we may have gone out . . . before I went . . . before I went out with Jon Nelson.

RODNEY: Come on.

JESSICA: He was your best friend, right?

RODNEY: Yeah. Yes.

JESSICA: I think that might be . . . that’s what I am remembering.

RODNEY: So you are remembering that you definitely went out with us.

JESSICA: That’s possible.

RODNEY: Me.

JESSICA: Definitely.

RODNEY: Definitely.

JESSICA: I definitely went out with Jon Nelson.

RODNEY: You remember that.

JESSICA: Clearly.

RODNEY: Okay. I guess just tell me what you remember [about us going out]. Do you remember how it started?

JESSICA: All right. Okay . . . Okay, now thinking back . . . the last thing I remember is sleeping over at your house when Samantha and I used to hang out and make cookies and all that.

RODNEY: My twin sister.

JESSICA: And you and Jon were hanging out having a sleepover that same night also, so . . . I remember not being crushed out on either of you guys.

RODNEY: Uh-huh.

JESSICA: I remember that you guys were lurking. [That’s] too harsh a word, but . . . [giggles] . . . you were around.

RODNEY: Right.

JESSICA: And you know, I think . . . we started talking and maybe I agreed to go out with you . . . and maybe—this is like I am reaching back—that you may have asked me to go out and I said yes but I don’t know if we did or not. But I think that was how it was. But I am not sure if I agreed to go out or not. Um, I think I recall like it being like it was for two hours or three hours or one of those things like its going out but it only lasted a couple hours.

RODNEY: I remember [it] being like a couple of weeks.

JESSICA: Oh my God.

RODNEY: Yeah, I remember that I was told I should ask you out and it was around the time of my bar mitzvah. So that would like be December of probably eighth grade, and . . . so okay . . . so it’s [stammers] . . . so did you have a crush on me? It doesn’t sound like you did at all.

JESSICA: No.

RODNEY: So you don’t even . . .

JESSICA: No crush.

RODNEY: So . . . so this may be hard if you don’t remember us dating for more than a few hours.

JESSICA: Right.

RODNEY: But why . . . but why if I asked you out, why would you have said yes?

JESSICA: I think . . . because I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. And I would just feel bad to say no. Maybe it was the first time being asked, or having a romantic relationship. And not knowing what to do.

RODNEY: Yeah not knowing what to do. I think that was . . . probably the first time I ever asked anyone out. In fact, I am sure it was. It was through other people. It was like, “You know Jessica? If you ask Jessica out she will say yes.” And I was, “Okay, then tell her that I’ll ask her out.” Then it was like, “Jessica says she will go out with you,” and then I do . . . have a memory . . . of seeing you in the hallway . . . in junior high school after that . . . and really not knowing how . . .

JESSICA: Uh-huh.

RODNEY:

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