Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me - Ben Karlin [29]
JESSICA: Right.
RODNEY: Ummmm . . . how do you remember me? How do you remember me from maybe before we dated?
JESSICA: Ummmm . . . I think, uh, I don’t think there was a Dungeons and Dragons yet, ’cause I think a little of D and D.
RODNEY: You [think of me] and you remember D and D?
JESSICA: Okay, yeah, but even like pre–D and D . . . like . . . not playing war games . . . but a lot, like boys scrambling about. And probably [I had a feeling that] Sam’s brother had a little crush on me.
RODNEY: Oh really.
JESSICA: Like . . . I guess I thought you had a little crush on me.
RODNEY: Umm, was that because . . .
JESSICA: Because you were . . . what’s that word? Furtive. Okay, that sounds weird saying it, but yeah. Kind of like looking over [at me], or sometimes not looking.
RODNEY: Sounds like you were [very aware of what I was doing]. What was that all about?
JESSICA: Oooo, ummmmmmmmm . . . well . . .
RODNEY: I’m just kidding [pauses]. Okay, so, okay, so what do you remember if anything of our actual three-hour relationship? Do you have any memories of that?
JESSICA: [Pauses] No [laughs].
RODNEY: [Laughs] No memories. . . . Since this entire interview is based on you being the first person I ever went out with and dumped me . . . is there a possibility that we never went out at all . . . and the entire thing was some kind of twisted delusion on my part?
JESSICA: On yours.
RODNEY: On my part.
JESSICA: Yeah.
RODNEY: Uhhh, you’re saying yes.
JESSICA: Yes. I would say so.
RODNEY: Oh no.
JESSICA: You know if you keep hearing something or being told that this may have been possible, you definitely start believing it [laughs]. It’s happened with other guys too.
RODNEY: Wow, so you also . . .
JESSICA: [Laughs]
RODNEY: If there are other guys who imagine that they were going out with you and they weren’t, then I am going to float the possibility that YOU are the deluded one. If that’s happening to you a lot—the guys thinking they are going out with you and you think they’re not.
JESSICA: Oh, there’s absolutely the chance.
RODNEY: Yeah, there’s a weird brain situation where you . . . like the part of gray matter that let’s you know when you are going out with someone . . . you don’t have it.
JESSICA: Well, you know . . . I prefer the case that I’m really narcissistic, but yes, I think this is biological in my brain.
RODNEY: Well, do you remember . . . do you even remember kissing me?
JESSICA: [Pauses] Nooooooooo.
RODNEY: You don’t remember?
JESSICA: Nope. Did we kiss?
RODNEY: Yeah. Yeah.
JESSICA: Stop.
RODNEY: Yeah.
JESSICA: Where?
RODNEY: For real. I will tell you exactly where because I have thought of this probably fifty thousand times. I was going to say fifty times so that I would not seem weird, but in reality probably somewhere between fifty and fifty thousand. No, but I remember this well. It was while we were going out . . . my definition of going out, not yours.
JESSICA: Yeah . . .
RODNEY: It was in my house and it was in my closet of my bedroom . . . and I was there, my sister was there, and probably Peter Tompkin was there . . .
JESSICA: Oh my God.
RODNEY: And the thing that was weird about it was that Peter was outside, and I had just gotten the Steve Miller Band record and Peter was playing “The Joker” obsessively over and over again the whole time we were in my closet. And whenever I hear that song I . . . that’s all I can think of.
JESSICA: Oh my God. Wait, like, Rodney . . . I remember that.
RODNEY: [Laughs] Do you?
JESSICA: [Stammers] You better not be messing with me because I really do remember that now. You know what’s so funny, ummm . . . I want to ask you if the kiss was good? But what’s so weird is that I don’t remember anything