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Their Faces

1. Warriors

2. Clowns

3. Diehard Football Fans

4. Drag Queens

People Who

Lack Subtlety

1. Warriors

2. Clowns

3. Diehard Football Fans

4. Drag Queens

People Who I Do Not

Want to Be Around

1. Warriors

2. Clowns

3. Diehard Football Fans

4. Drag Queens

People Who Are

Probably Not Reading This

1. Warriors

2. Clowns

3. Diehard Football Fans

4. Drag Queens

Some Meanings

muaha z z z z z z z z z z z z a person sleeping

b z z z z z z z z z z z a bee flying

z z z z z z b z z z z z a bee that is sleeping and then wakes up and starts flying

b z z z z z t a bee that is getting killed by a person who was sleeping but then woke up

_____

af;kjnabakjoiwenpt a cat walking on a keyboard

iamwhiskersbeware a smart cat walking on a keyboard

_____

n a half-eaten M&M

m two half-eaten M&M’s carefully placed together

##%@&%*#$!& cursing

########%@&% cursing, with a stutter

_____

haha a person laughing

muahahahaha a villain laughing

ha a person starting to sneeze

a villain starting to sneeze

ahamuahahaha a villain discovering a person who is starting to sneeze; and then laughing

_____

xoxoxoxo kisses and hugs

oxoxoxox oxen

xxxxxxxx a very dirty movie

oooooooo a sound heard during a very dirty movie

oooxoxox a sound heard during a very dirty movie in which someone kisses and hugs oxen

_____

( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( nail clippings (of an anal-retentive man)

I self

i self as baby

i i i i i i i i i ii i i i i self as baby in nursery (with set of Siamese twins in there, too)

_____

U U prints made by a horse standing on its hind legs

U o prints made by a horse that has a wooden leg standing on its hind legs

o o prints made by a horse with two wooden legs (impressive)

_____

· an atom (close up)

· a galaxy (far away)

· an atom, close up, in a galaxy far away

_____

T the beginning of THE END

D the end of THE END

Goreburg and Spatz

Arthur Goreburg arrived at Zell Laboratories three days after graduating from MIT. He had fielded offers from every major lab and think tank in the country. There was even an offer from a small but prestigious concentrate tank in Sweden. For Arthur, though, there was never any doubt that he would end up at Zell.

Zell Labs had been the nation’s leading research and technology lab for more than half a century, producing nine Nobel Laureates, countless technological breakthroughs, and very little sex. Its hallways teemed with many of the world’s greatest minds, many of them bona fide geniuses, and even more of them social disasters. Goreburg would be Zell’s new wonderboy. And with his formidable brain, pimpled face, and catastrophic sense of style, Arthur fit the part perfectly.

Until Arthur’s arrival, Zell’s reigning wonderboy was Ronald Spatz. Now two years into his employ at Zell, Spatz had earned a reputation for calculating large sums in his head at lightning speed. He was also one of Zell’s biggest showoffs (he once solved a Rubik’s Cube using only his butt cheeks). Like many of his colleagues, Ronald was a know-it-all. And he had a notoriously small bladder. Still, Ronald was a great dancer and could be a lot of fun at a party, if he’d ever gone to one.

Goreburg and Spatz did not speak much to each other during Goreburg’s first few months at Zell. In the lab’s stratified, cloistered ecosystem of elite thinkers, the two young scientists were natural enemies. Each was eager to prove himself, and neither wanted the other to do so first.

Spatz was aldy getting tired of hearing about the “new kid” Goreburg, and Goreburg, for his part, thought Spatz had a particularly punchable-looking face. So, the two young bucks tactfully avoided each other and managed to keep a cordial distance.

Then one afternoon, just after the company’s annual laser picnic, where for the first time in years no one got burned or blinded, the director of commercial engineering, Bill Dingle, called the two young scientists into his office.

“I need you two to work on something very important for us,” said Dingle