Trainspotting - Irvine Welsh [29]
— Wouldnae say naw man, would not say no, likes.
Relapsing
Scotland Takes Drugs In Psychic Defence
Ah couldnae mention the Barrowland gig tae Lizzy. No fuckin chance ay that man, ah kin tell ye. Ah had bought ma ticket when ah got ma Giro. That wis me pure skint. It was also her birthday. It was the ticket or a present for her. Nae contest. This was Iggy Pop. Ah thought she’d understand.
— Ye can buy fuckin tickets fir Iggy fuckin Pop but ye cannae buy me a fuckin birthday present! That wis her response. See the cross ah’ve goat tae fuckin bear here man? Pure madness, ma man. Dinnae git us wrong. Ye can see her point. It’s ma ain fault though, like ah sais, ma ain fault. Pure naive, that’s Tommy here. Auld fuck the wind. Ah lead wi ma chin aw the time. If ah wis a wee bit more, what’s the word? duplicitous, ah would have said nothing aboot the tickets. Ah get too excited, and pure open ma big mooth far too wide. That’s fearless Tommy Gun for ye. Pure sucker.
So ah havenae mentioned the gig since. The night before the event Lizzy tells us that she pure fancies going to the pictures to see that The Accused. She tells me that her that was in Taxi Driver is in it. Ah don’t really fancy the film; too much hype and publicity. That’s really besides the point though, if ye ken what ah mean, cause ah’m sitting here wi the Ig gig tickets in ma tail. So ah’m forced tae mention Barrowland and the man.
— Eh, cannae the morn. Ah’ve got the Iggy Pop gig at Barrowland. Me and Mitch are gaun through.
— So ye’d rather go tae a concert wi Davie fuckin Mitchell than the pictures wi me. That’s pure Lizzy. The rhetorical question, the stock-in-trade weapon ay burds and psychos.
The issue’s become, like, a pure referendum on our relationship. Ma instinct is tae be upfront and say ‘yes’, but that would probably mean bombing out Lizzy and ah’m addicted tae having sex wi her. God, ah love it. Daein it fae behind as she groans softly, her pretty head resting on the yellow silk pillow-cases in ma gaff; the ones Spud knocked for us oot ay the British Home Stores in Princes Street as a flat-warming present. Ah know ah shouldnae be disclosing aboot our life, man, but the image of her in bed is so strong that even her social coarseness and permanent sense ay outrage fail to weaken it. Ah jist pure wish that Lizzy could always be like she is in bed.
Ah try tae murmur seductive apologies, but she’s so harsh and unforgiving: sweet and beautiful only in bed. The permanent viciousness of that expression will force out her beauty long before it should disappear. She calls me all the fuck-ups under the sun, then a few more for good measure. Poor old Tommy Gun. No longer the greatest fighting soldier; now the greatest shiteing soldier.
It’s no Iggy’s fault. Cannae really blame the boy, ken? How wis he tae know when he stuck the Barrowland doon oan his itinerary, that he’d cause punters, whae he doesnae even ken exist, aw this hassle? Pure freaky whin ye think aboot it. Still, he’s just another straw on the back of the camel. Lizzy’s the pure steel woman. Ah’m happy though. Even Sick Boy’s jealous ay me. Being Lizzy’s boyfriend does confer status, but fame costs, as they say. By the time ah leave the pub, ah am in no doubt of my lack of worth as a human being.
At home ah take a line of speed and guzzle half a bottle of Merrydown. Ah pure cannae sleep, so ah phone Rents and ask him if he fancies coming round tae watch a Chuck Norris video. Rents is off tae London the mom. He spends more time doon there than he does back here. Something tae dae wi giro-drops. The cunt’s in some kind ay a syndicate wi these punters he met when he worked on the Harwich-Hook of Holland cross-channel ferry, years ago. He’s gaunnae see the Ig at the Town and Country while he’s in the Smoke. We toke some grass and laugh our heads off as Chuck kicks fuck out of commie antichrists by the dozen, that constipated and stoical expression never leaving his face. Straight, this is unwatchable. Stoned, it’s pure unmissable.
The next day ah’ve got terrible mouth ulcers.