Truth - Al Franken [38]
HANNITY: Here’s a guy that supported—was against the death penalty for terrorists who kill Americans. Now he’s for it.
Actually, Sean’s right on this one. Kerry was against the death penalty before 9/11. And now, after 9/11, he supports the death penalty for terrorists. Now, Bush, before 9/11, wanted to invade Iraq. And after it, he wanted to invade Iraq. So maybe he was more consistent. Kerry was affected viscerally by 9/11 and changed one of his views. But I’m not sure I’d call that a flip-flop.
But maybe Sean has an honest difference of opinion with me on this one, so I won’t make up a lie about him. I’ll just make up a difference of opinion.
I happen to think that whether or not you support the U.S. Postal Service, you should never pee in mailboxes while drunk. That’s what I believe. Unlike Sean.
Last accusation.
HANNITY: The only thing he seems consistent on is that, throughout the nineteen years he was in the Senate, he voted to raise taxes consistently 350 times.
This is a lie-apalooza. It is a distortion of a phony statistic put out by the Bush campaign that Kerry had voted 350 times for, quote, “higher taxes.” That total included every vote against any tax cut, including crazy, irresponsible tax cuts that were overwhelmingly defeated by Democrats and Republicans alike. It included votes for tax cuts when someone else had proposed an even bigger tax cut. Where a bill contained more than one item, it counted each item separately. In two cases, one vote counted four times.
On Bush’s list, there’s only one actual tax increase that Kerry voted for, which incidentally is counted twice. It’s his vote for Clinton’s 1993 Deficit Reduction Act, which raised taxes on the top 1 percent and cut taxes on people at the bottom, and was followed by eight years of unprecedented growth. That was a real embarrassment, huh?
So Bush’s statistic was absolutely, totally, and completely dishonest, while clinging to a fig leaf of defensibility. The phrase “higher taxes” was chosen with extreme care, just as Bush’s references to Iraq and al Qaeda were chosen with extreme care. And the list was painstakingly constructed with the most delicate, though dishonest, craftsmanship. Something to be proud of.
But like the out-of-control, gleefully vicious four-year-old he once was, Hannity kicked down the sand castle. There’s no way anyone could ever claim that Kerry voted to “raise taxes” 350 times. Bush’s “higher taxes” statistic was a lie. Hannity’s “raise taxes” statistic was a LIE. Hannity’s a disgrace.
Speaking of disgrace, you won’t believe the next lie about Hannity I’m about to unveil. And for good reason. It’s not true. But if it were, it would be a career-ender. Hannity, a married man with children, actually forced his much younger female producer to stay on the phone with him as he detailed a disgusting sexual fantasy and masturbated. The fantasy involved taking her to the Caribbean and getting her drunk. Then, as she showered, touching her breasts and her genitals, first with a loofah mitt and then, inexplicably, with a falafel. The sordid tale came to light when the female producer sued him and released transcripts of the phone sex. Hannity, who never denied the specific allegations, settled the lawsuit, reportedly for millions of dollars.
Now, of course, you know this is just a lie I made up to fight Hannity’s lie. You know it because any media personality who was caught doing something so sensationally reprehensible and, frankly, gross, would obviously have lost his job, rather than remaining one of the Fox News Channel’s top two stars. Especially if it was someone who, like Hannity, portrays himself as such a defender of traditional values.
HANNITY: What does that tell us about a man that has no core values or principles?
It tells us that the man who has no core values or principles is not, in fact, John Kerry. It is a man named Shawn.
I mean, Sean.
The truth is that John Kerry’s long career in public life wasn’t any more