Truth - Al Franken [39]
At the same time, it’s true that Kerry’s image in the public mind was defined by a single, enormous flip-flop on an issue at the center of his, and our country’s, life. After volunteering to fight in Vietnam and comporting himself with extraordinary valor, John Kerry flip-flopped—and came home to protest the war.
Looking back, it’s possible to argue that Kerry took the most principled and courageous route. Despite misgivings about our policies, he volunteered out of a sense of patriotic obligation to serve his country. Once in Vietnam, he fought bravely and saved the lives of his men, but saw that the war was both wrong and unwinnable. When he came home, he weathered enormous criticism for speaking out on the basis of his experience and convictions. In the end, he played a small but significant role in bringing to a close one of America’s darkest chapters.
And for that, the Swift Boat Vets could never forgive him and were willing to lie.
Compare Kerry’s record to mine. During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian. By the time I graduated, the draft was over and the coast was clear. In my defense, however, I protested against the war and thought not only that I should not have to go, but that nobody should.
So on a one to ten scale I give Kerry a ten and I give myself about a three.
What does George W. Bush get? Well, he thought it was a good idea for young American men to fight in Vietnam. He just didn’t want to be one of them. So, on the same scale, I give him a two. (“One” is reserved for Nixon.)
Kerry’s historic flip-flop probably cost him the election. But if he had the choice, I bet he’d do it again.
There. I feel better. Nothing like a good debunk of a lightweight like Sean Hannity. It’s like picking low-hanging fruit, instead of scooping turds out of Karl Rove’s cesspool. One makes you sick, while with the other you have fruit. And fruit is good for you. Right, Dr. Vajpayee?
VAJPAYEE: That’s right, Al. I recommend three to five servings of fresh fruits and vegetables a day.
AL: You’re so much more accommodating than Dr. Fischbein.
VAJPAYEE: Oh, no. In his way, Dr. Fischbein is even more of a softy than I am.
AL: Anyway, I’m feeling so much better. I think I can get back to the “smear” chapter now.
VAJPAYEE: Very well. But if you feel queasy, debunk Regis.
AL: You don’t really understand what I do, do you?
VAJPAYEE: No, I do not.
AL: Can I get some OxyContin for the road?
VAJPAYEE: No.
6 With Friends Like Zell
To comprehensively debunk every lie and misleading attack the Bush campaign leveled against Kerry would yield a document longer than the U.S. tax code—the code that Bush has pledged to “simplify” but has in fact increased in length by roughly 30 percent.
In the spring of 2005, according to a Washington Post analysis of data from the Campaign Media Analysis Group, Bush ran 49,050 negative ads in the top one hundred media markets, compared to 13,336 from Kerry. 75 percent, or approximately three out of four, of Bush’s ads