Uncles Josh's Punkin Centre Stories [25]
I had then, John, Wuz far from a "Nancy Hanks;" She wuz old and worn and loggy, And jist chuck full of pranks; And she wuz wonderfully got up, John, Full of bolts and valves and knobs, And the boiler wouldn't hold water; Gosh, it wouldn't hold cobs.
But I wuz younger then, John, And I didn't care a cuss; So I'd pull the throttle open And jist let her wheeze and fuss. The road that I wuz a-runnin' on Wuz out in the woolly west; Two streaks of rust and the right of way Wuz puttin' it at its best. So we sort of plugged along, John. And didn't put on any frills, Never thought of doin' anything But doublin' all the hills. I tell you those were rocky times, And we hadn't no air brake; And fifteen miles an hour, John, Wuz durn good time to make.
And thar wuz as good a lot of boys As you could meet with anywhere; Rough and ready open up, And always on the square. And I'd like to see them all again, And grasp each honest hand; But some of them, like me, have quit, Some have gone to another land. I have changed somewhat since then, John, Jist a little more steady grown; But I often think of my railroad days As the happiest ones I've known. And, John, I often watch the train. As they go whizzing by; As I think of Bill, or Jim, or Jack, Thar's a tear comes in my eye.
Perhaps you'd like to know, John, Just why I quit the rail, And as some feller one time sed, "Thereby hangs a tale." I wuz goin' along one night, John, At a purty lively rate, The old machine a-doin' her best, And me forty minutes late, When all at once there came a crash, I felt the old track yield, And fireman, machine and I Went into a farmer's field. There's little more to say, John, They laid me up for repairs, But my fireman, poor fellow, Hadn't time to say his prayers.
So now you have my story, John; Still, you don't know how it feels To know you've got to plug around On a couple of flat wheels. But it doesn't bother me, John, Gosh, not fer a minnit; I'm as happy as the day is long, And feel jist strictly in it. But sometimes I like to meet the boys, And talk them days all over, And I feel as gay and chipper As a calf in a field of clover But the happiest days I've known, John, The ones that to me see best, Wuz when I run an old machine Way out in the woolly west.
----
Glory--Gittin' killed and not gittin' paid fer it. Punkin Centre Philosophy.
Uncle Josh at a Circus
WALL, 'long last year, 'bout harvest time, thar wuz a cirkus cum to Punkin Centre, and I think the whole population turned out to see it. They cum paradin' into town, the bands a-playin' and banners flying, and animals pokin' their heads out of the cages, and all sorts of jim cracks. Deacon Witherspoon sed they wuz a sinful lot of men and wimmin, and no one aughter go and see them, but seein' as how they wuz thar, he alowed he'd take the children and let them see the lions and tigers and things. Si Pettingill remarked, "Guess the Deacon won't put blinders on himself when he gits thar." We noticed afterwards that the Deacon had a front seat whar he could see and hear purty well.
Wall, I sed to Ezra Hoskins, "Let's you and me go down to the cirkus," and Ezra sed, "All right, Joshua." So we got on our store clothes, our new boots, and put some money in our pockits, and went down to the cirkus. Wall, I never seen any one in my life cut up more fool capers than Ezra did. We got in whar the animals wuz, and Ezra he walked around the elefant three or four times, and then he sed, "By gum, Josh, that's a durned handy critter--he's got two tails, and he's eatin' with one and keepin' the flies off with t'other." Durned old fool! Wall, we went on a little ways further, and all to onct Ezra he sed, "Geewhiz, Josh, thar's Steve Jenkins over thar in one of them cages." I sed, "Cum along you silly fool, that ain't Steve Jenkins." Ezra sed,
But I wuz younger then, John, And I didn't care a cuss; So I'd pull the throttle open And jist let her wheeze and fuss. The road that I wuz a-runnin' on Wuz out in the woolly west; Two streaks of rust and the right of way Wuz puttin' it at its best. So we sort of plugged along, John. And didn't put on any frills, Never thought of doin' anything But doublin' all the hills. I tell you those were rocky times, And we hadn't no air brake; And fifteen miles an hour, John, Wuz durn good time to make.
And thar wuz as good a lot of boys As you could meet with anywhere; Rough and ready open up, And always on the square. And I'd like to see them all again, And grasp each honest hand; But some of them, like me, have quit, Some have gone to another land. I have changed somewhat since then, John, Jist a little more steady grown; But I often think of my railroad days As the happiest ones I've known. And, John, I often watch the train. As they go whizzing by; As I think of Bill, or Jim, or Jack, Thar's a tear comes in my eye.
Perhaps you'd like to know, John, Just why I quit the rail, And as some feller one time sed, "Thereby hangs a tale." I wuz goin' along one night, John, At a purty lively rate, The old machine a-doin' her best, And me forty minutes late, When all at once there came a crash, I felt the old track yield, And fireman, machine and I Went into a farmer's field. There's little more to say, John, They laid me up for repairs, But my fireman, poor fellow, Hadn't time to say his prayers.
So now you have my story, John; Still, you don't know how it feels To know you've got to plug around On a couple of flat wheels. But it doesn't bother me, John, Gosh, not fer a minnit; I'm as happy as the day is long, And feel jist strictly in it. But sometimes I like to meet the boys, And talk them days all over, And I feel as gay and chipper As a calf in a field of clover But the happiest days I've known, John, The ones that to me see best, Wuz when I run an old machine Way out in the woolly west.
----
Glory--Gittin' killed and not gittin' paid fer it. Punkin Centre Philosophy.
Uncle Josh at a Circus
WALL, 'long last year, 'bout harvest time, thar wuz a cirkus cum to Punkin Centre, and I think the whole population turned out to see it. They cum paradin' into town, the bands a-playin' and banners flying, and animals pokin' their heads out of the cages, and all sorts of jim cracks. Deacon Witherspoon sed they wuz a sinful lot of men and wimmin, and no one aughter go and see them, but seein' as how they wuz thar, he alowed he'd take the children and let them see the lions and tigers and things. Si Pettingill remarked, "Guess the Deacon won't put blinders on himself when he gits thar." We noticed afterwards that the Deacon had a front seat whar he could see and hear purty well.
Wall, I sed to Ezra Hoskins, "Let's you and me go down to the cirkus," and Ezra sed, "All right, Joshua." So we got on our store clothes, our new boots, and put some money in our pockits, and went down to the cirkus. Wall, I never seen any one in my life cut up more fool capers than Ezra did. We got in whar the animals wuz, and Ezra he walked around the elefant three or four times, and then he sed, "By gum, Josh, that's a durned handy critter--he's got two tails, and he's eatin' with one and keepin' the flies off with t'other." Durned old fool! Wall, we went on a little ways further, and all to onct Ezra he sed, "Geewhiz, Josh, thar's Steve Jenkins over thar in one of them cages." I sed, "Cum along you silly fool, that ain't Steve Jenkins." Ezra sed,