Under The Net - Iris Murdoch [114]
rounds, and we had not been heard after all. The steps came to a stop outside Hugo's door, and the square aperture was darkened. I pressed my face into the red blanket and held my breath. I wondered suddenly if Hugo would denounce me to the Night Sister, and for a moment I felt him to be capable of it. But Hugo lay rigid, and I could hear him breathing deeply. Then a moment later the face was withdrawn and the footsteps went slowly on to the next room. I relaxed, and still leaning against the bed looked up at Hugo while my thoughts reassembled. I felt that I was playing a big fish. Hugo was communicative. Now, it was only a matter of saying the right things and he would tell me all. I broke the silence with a low whisper. 'Anna's stopped singing.' Hugo was silent for a moment. 'Anna's all right,' he said, rather shortly. I felt that this had been a wrong move. I tried something more direct. ', Hugo,' I said, 'what was it that you felt ashamed of when you rang up there and I answered the phone?' Hugo hesitated. I could see him fiddling with his bandage and looking past me. 'I behaved badly to her,' he said. 'How?' I breathed out the question, reducing my presence to a minimum. I wanted Hugo to soliloquize. I saw Anna's fleeing figure. 'Oh, I persecuted her terribly,' said Hugo. 'Did she love you?' I murmured, and the air all about me was trembling. 'Oh, no,' said Hugo, 'it was hopeless. You know,' he said, 'I sometimes thought that she was keen on you.' The muscles relaxed one by one all over my body like little animals falling asleep, and I stretched out my legs. I felt sorry for Hugo as for a moment or two I brooded upon the picture he had conjured up. But now there was no time for brooding. I must get the facts; theories could come later. My mood at that moment was almost scientific. 'What made you think that?' I asked. 'I mean, that she was keen on me.' 'She talked about you a lot,' said Hugo, 'and asked me questions about you.' 'What a bore for you,' I said, and I smiled to myself. Nothing is more maddening than being questioned by the object of one's interest about the object of hers, should that object not be you. 'I was glad to be of service to her,' said Hugo, with a disgustingly humble air. Was Hugo being frank with me? I suddenly wondered. 'When will you see her again?' I asked. 'Is she really going away?' 'I don't know,' said Hugo. 'I really don't know what she plans to do. She's like the weather. One simply never knows with Sadie.' 'You mean Anna, yes,' I said. 'I mean Sadie!' said Hugo. The names of the two women rang out like the blasts of a horn which echo through a wood. A pattern in my mind was suddenly scattered and the pieces of it went flying about me like birds. I rose to one knee and my face was close to Hugo's. 'Who have we just been talking about?' I asked him. 'Sadie, of course,' said Hugo. 'Who else do you imagine?' My grip closed upon the blanket. Already my thought, turned back the other way, was showing me an entirely different scene. 'Hugo,' I said, 'can we get this absolutely clear?' 'Be quiet!' said Hugo, 'you're talking almost out loud.' 'Who is it that you're in love with?' I said. 'Which of them?' 'Sadie,' said Hugo. 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'Bloody hell!' he said. 'I ought to know! I've suffered more than a year of misery about that woman! But I thought you knew all this?' 'She told me,' I said. 'She told me! But, of course, I didn't believe her.' I sat back on to the floor and rocked my head in my hands. 'Why "of course"?' said Hugo. 'After all, she called you in to defend her against me, didn't she? Only you walked out!' He spoke bitterly. 'She locked me in,' I said. 'I couldn't stand that.' 'My God! I wish she'd locked me in!' said Hugo. 'I couldn't believe her, I couldn't!' I said. 'Did she tell you I'd been awful?' said Hugo. 'Well, she said something vague about your possibly bursting in.' 'She's a kind woman,' said Hugo, 'if she told you no more than that. I behaved like a mad thing. I broke in once in the night, and another time I came during the day while she was at the studio