Under The Net - Iris Murdoch [117]
corridor,' I answered foolishly. 'Be a sport. Go and get them for me,' said Hugo, and show me the way out.' You're not well enough to move,' I said. 'The Sister said it would be dangerous for you to move.' 'You've just invented that this moment,' said Hugo. 'In fact I'm perfectly fit, and I know it and you know it. I've got to get out of this place. These are very urgent things I have to do tomorrow, and I'm damned if I'm going to be imprisoned here. Now go and get my clothes.' Hugo was speaking now with a sudden air of authority, and I noticed with distress a strong tendency in myself to obey him. Resisting it, I replied, 'I work here, Hugo. If I do this I'll lose my job.' 'Does anyone know that you're here?' asked Hugo. 'Of course not.' 'Then no one will know that it was you who helped me.' 'We shall be caught on the way out,' I told him. 'You needn't come with me,' said Hugo. 'I'd have to,' I said. 'You couldn't find the way alone.' I was cursing Hugo heartily. I didn't want to take this risk for him, and I could see now that I was going to. 'Do this thing for me, Jake,' said Hugo. 'I wouldn't ask if it wasn't urgent.' 'Damn you,' I said. I went to the door and examined my watch. It was just after four. If I was to act I must act at once. I looked at Hugo's nocturnal face. I knew that I would do whatever he wished. I had to. 'Damn you,' I said again, and I took hold of the door handle. I swung the door open quietly and left it ajar. I stood for a moment in the corridor getting used to the light. Then I began to walk quietly. The Locker Room was next door but one to the Sister's Room, on the side nearest to me. It contained lockers in one-one correlation to the number of patients in Corelli III, each locker being assigned to a particular bed. The keys of the lockers were kept there too, in a drawer. Once I could get into the room there would be no difficulty in finding Hugo's clothes; but of course the room itself might be locked. I found myself hoping sincerely that it might. 'Oh, let it be locked!' I said to myself, as my hand touched the door of the Locker Room. It was not locked. The door opened for me noiselessly. As I stood inside in the semi-darkness I had a rapid debate as to whether I wouldn't go back and tell Hugo that the door had been locked. It might have been locked. It might easily have been locked. I struggled with this idea, not certain whether or not I ought to regard it as a temptation. I tried to conjure up some sense of obligation to the Hospital; but it was too late to call upon these reserves. If I had been going to be moved by any bond or contract with the Hospital the time for that was four minutes ago. I was now embarked upon helping Hugo. I was committed to Hugo. To lie to him would be an act of treachery. I put my hand on the keys. I opened the locker and very quietly removed its contents piece by piece on to the table. Hugo's old check shirt, his even older corduroy trousers, a newish sports-coat that smelt of soap, a Jaeger vest and pants, socks with holes in, and dirty boots. Small objects jingled in Hugo's pockets. I held my breath and began to load myself, piling the garments up in my embrace and putting the boots on top, so that I could hardly see out over the armful. Then I found that I had left the locker door open and the bunch of keys hanging in the lock. One by one I replaced the things on the table, closed the locker, and returned the keys to the drawer. Not that it mattered, since the disappearance of Hugo could be noticed almost as soon as the theft from the locker; but I like to be neat. Then I loaded up again and shuffled towards the door. As I went I kept having auditory images of what it would sound like if one of Hugo's boots were to fall off on to the floor. But there was no mishap. I glided down the corridor with a feeling in my back as if someone were pointing a Sten gun at it. The door of Hugo's room was ajar and I sidled in and decanted the pile of clothes on to the bed with a soft bump. Hugo had got up and was standing by the window, dressed in a shapeless white nightgown