Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [104]
When Ms. Marshall becomes aware of a problem, she moves quickly, drawing on her work and professional skills and experiences. She displays tremendous assertiveness, doggedness, and, in some cases effectiveness, in pressing institutions to recognize her daughters’ individualized needs. Stacey’s mother’s proactive stance reflects her belief that she has a duty to intervene in situations in which she perceives that her daughter’s needs are not being met. This perceived responsibility applies across all areas of her children’s lives. She is no more (or less) diligent with regard to Stacey and Fern’s leisure activities than she is with regard to their experiences in school or church or the doctor’s office. This is clear in the way she handles Stacey’s transition from her township gymnastics classes to the private classes at Wright’s.
Ms. Marshall describes Stacey’s first session at the club as rocky:
The girls were not warm. And these were little . . . eight- and nine-year-old kids. You know, they weren’t welcoming her the first night. It was kinda like eyeing each other, to see, you know, “Can you do this? Can you do that?”
More important, Ms. Marshall reports that the instructor is brusque, critical, and not friendly toward Stacey. Ms. Marshall cannot hear what is being said, but she can see the interactions through a window. A key problem is that because her previous instructor had not used the professional jargon for gymnastic moves, Stacey does not know these terms. When the class ends and she walks out, she is visibly upset. Her mother’s reaction is a common one among middle-class parents: she does not remind her daughter that in life one has to adjust, that she will need to work even harder, or that there is nothing to be done. Instead, Ms. Marshall focuses on Tina, the instructor, as the source of the problem.
We sat in the car for a minute and I said, “Look, Stace,” I said. She said, “I-I,” and she started crying. I said, “You wait here.” The instructor had come to the door, Tina. So I went to her and I said, “Look.” I said, “Is there a problem?” She said, “Aww . . . she’ll be fine. She just needs to work on certain things.” Blah-blah-blah. And I said, “She’s really upset. She said you-you-you [were] pretty much correcting just about everything.” And [Tina] said, “Well, she’s got—she’s gotta learn the terminology.”
Ms. Marshall acknowledges that Stacey isn’t familiar with specialized and technical gymnastics terms. Nonetheless, she continues to defend her daughter.
I do remember, I said to her, I said, “Look, maybe it’s not all the student.” You know, I just left it like that. That, you know, sometimes teaching, learning and teaching, is a two-way proposition as far as I’m concerned. And sometimes teachers have to learn how to, you know, meet the needs of the kid. Her style, her immediate style was not accommodating to—to Stacey.
Here Ms. Marshall is asserting the legitimacy of an individualized approach to instruction. She frames her opening remark as a question (“Is there a problem?”). Her purpose, however, is to alert the instructor to the negative impact she has had on Stacey (“She’s really upset.”). Although her criticism is indirect (“Maybe it’s not all the student . . .”), Ms. Marshall makes it clear that she expects her daughter to be treated differently in the future. In this case, Stacey does not hear what her mother says, but she knows that her wishes and feelings are being transmitted to the instructor in a way that she could not do herself.
Moreover, in what is a common procedure in the Marshall home, Stacey’s mother pursued the problem. The very next morning she called the gymnastics school and spoke with the owner. She asked (having first checked with Stacey)