Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [106]
The response from the instructor to Stacey’s prepared statement serves to further antagonize Ms. Marshall:
I remember Stacey came out that night from class, and she—she got in, crying. She said, “You were right. She did ask me.” And I said, “Well, what did you say?” She said, “We told ’em that I just didn’t think I was ready for it.” And I said, “Well, what did they say?” She said, “Tina just went ‘Hmm’” (said in a disdainful, haughty voice). You know, like that. And here I’m thinking to myself, “Well, I don’t really think that was appropriate.”
Ms. Marshall is angered by Tina’s criticisms because she believes they were harmful to Stacey. In addition, though, she feels that the instructor’s remarks created more work for her.
Stacey is the type of child that needs a lot of warm fuzzies. She’s a child that is very quick to think the negative. (Sigh.) And . . . she would come out and she said, “Well, Tina said this.” I would say to myself, “Well, she may be stretching it a little.” But the reality of it is, something was said. And obviously it wasn’t the right thing. In part this is probably selfish too. I [saw it as], “Oh, God. There’s more work for me.” You know, to boost this kid’s morale.
Partly because of these ongoing problems, and partly because Wright’s is a long drive from the Marshall family’s home, Stacey’s mother began looking for a new program. She was engaged in this process when we began our observations of the family. She made numerous telephone calls to various programs in the county, drove to and inspected two different programs, attended two parent meetings of a program that she enrolled Stacey in but then withdrew her from (Ms. Marshall and other parents were outraged that a construction project begun after the session started reduced the size of the floor and, in their opinion, also created a safety hazard), and called the director of one of the programs to complain. The whole time, she worried. The decision regarding gymnastics seemed to weigh more on Ms. Marshall than on any other member of the family. Even as she was working full time, running the household, driving the children around, and negotiating a variety of complex tasks, she continued to examine the possibilities, determined to find the best choice for Stacey in gymnastics.
In many cases, Stacey accompanied her mother as she hunted for the right program. As a result, she learned what criteria to apply when assessing a program, and she developed a specific vocabulary with which to express her opinion. For example, when Stacey, her mother, and the researcher tour a YMCA with a gymnastics program, Stacey joins in a conversation about the length of the runway. Although only ten, she speaks with authority:
Stacey says, “It saves like six feet of where it is now, so it’s in closer . . . So that way they can pull out the rest of the floor . . . We’re gonna end up having a longer vaulting runway. . . . ”
A few days later, meeting with the coach for the program, Stacey is easily able to describe her skill level and she, not her mother, describes her skills. Thus, when the coach and Stacey’s mother discuss the appropriate level, Stacey remains an integral part of the adults’ discussion. Outside, she is ready to render an opinion:
Once we were inside the car, Lorrie asks Stacey what she thought. Stacey says, “It’s good.” After a couple of seconds’ pause, Stacey said, “If we come on Saturday, then we can see it when they have the whole gym.”
Ms. Marshall will make the final decision about where to enroll Stacey, but she clearly values her daughter’s opinion. Stacey is encouraged to give her assessment and when she does, it is treated as important, if not