Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [125]
Compared to the detailed answers and the animated tone we heard as middle-class parents like the Tallingers and Williamses discussed what they saw as the benefits of organized activities, Ms. Driver’s response is brief. She is more animated, though, as she reveals her hope that getting Wendy involved in extracurricular activities will keep her daughter “off the streets.” When Ms. Driver was a girl she wanted to “spend [time] with my friends and hang around on the corner with everybody else,” but her parents were “strict”:
My parents didn’t believe in that . . . My brothers could, but I couldn’t . . . So I had no choice. Either I stayed in or I did activities. So I chose the activities to keep myself busy and occupied, and it gave me a social life.
Although as a child Ms. Driver had thought the classes her parents made her take were “a waste of time,” Wendy is more positive. She likes her dance lessons (“I like to dance. It’s fun . . . You get to learn all this new stuff”), enjoys choir, and dismisses CCD as “boring.” She does not complain to her mother or Mr. Fallon about any of her activities, however. Her extracurricular commitments are not especially important to her; they do not dominate her life or the lives of her family members. The adults typically do not bring up Wendy’s classes at all; she mentions them periodically, but she does not dwell on them. Instead, her activities take a “backseat” to other topics of conversation (usually past and future family events).
DIRECTIVES: USING LANGUAGE AS A PRACTICAL TOOL
Similar to the adults in the McAllister family, both Ms. Driver and Mr. Fallon are quite directive, even authoritarian, in their child-rearing techniques. They tell the children what to do. Unlike children in middle-class families, Wendy and Willie rarely, if ever, argue with adults.
Wendy asks her mother, “Can I put the sticker on? Please?” Ms. Driver says, “We aren’t going to do that.” Wendy is silent.
Debbie, sitting in the kitchen with Mack, tells Willie, “Go in the living room.” Willie goes in without comment or protest. He watches TV.
Mr. Fallon, particularly when he is tired or exasperated, is likely to yell his directives. In some instances, Willie might “push it,” but usually, after a single protest, he falls silent:8
Willie asks if he could hold Valerie, who was in her chair. Debbie says, “No.” Willie says (in a whiny voice), “Why not? When am I going to be able to hold her?” Debbie retorts, “When you have your own baby.” Willie is silent.
Willie also sometimes needles the adults, but his approach is very different from that of Alexander Williams, for example. Willie is not trying to reason with his mother or Mr. Fallon or show them why they are wrong. Instead, he modifies his request to give it a slightly different form:
Willie wants to go out. Mack says, “No.” The phone rings and Willie rushes to answer it. Just before Willie answers it, Mack repeats, “You can’t go out.” Willie says “Hello?” and then “Just a sec,” and puts his hand over the receiver. He says, “Mack?” and Mack’s temper starts to rise. He demands loudly, “What did I say? What did I say?” Willie says, “Wait.” Mack responds in a lower tone of voice, questioning, “What?” Willie asks, “Can he come over and stay on the porch?” Mack seems to explode with anger, “What did I say? I said NO VISITORS! You can’t go out.”
Overall, Ms. Driver and Mr. Fallon use language as a tool, a practical necessity rather than an intrinsically interesting dimension of life. Neither adult is likely to urge the children to expound on a topic. In contrast to middle-class parents like Mr. and Ms. Williams, who frequently made a conscious effort to encourage Alexander’s language development, the adults in Wendy and Willie’s lives do not follow up when the children happen to mention some new piece of information. When, for example, Wendy asks her family members (one by one) if they know what a mortal sin is, her mother says, “Tell us what it is. You’re the one who went to CCD.” Wendy provides the answer, and both her mother and Mr. Fallon