Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [124]
Given the number of relatives in the extended Driver and Fallon families and the frequency with which they interact, it isn’t surprising that misunderstandings and miscommunications arise from time to time. One problem Ms. Driver and Mr. Fallon contend with is the influence Wendy and Willie’s deceased father’s brothers (“the uncles”) have on the children, especially Willie. These men, as well as Ms. Driver’s own brothers, are unimpressive role models, as Mr. Fallon makes clear, yelling at Willie one Saturday morning: “You want to be like your uncles? Jobless? You want to be like your uncles?” Willie’s mother worries about “the uncles,” too. Watching a television talk show about “skinheads,” she comments:
“This is what I have to look forward to. Willie’s thirteen now. I’ll have to start worrying whether he’ll be in a gang.” I say, “Are you worried he’ll join a gang?” Debbie responds, “Well, he is a follower. He’s a good kid, but he’s a follower. His uncles are a bad influence on him. Like at the wedding, his youngest uncle, Uncle Petey, told him he could have a beer.”
ORGANIZATION OF DAILY LIFE
Because Ms. Driver does not know how to drive, she relies on Mr. Fallon for transportation to accomplish family-related chores. Wendy and Willie usually accompany their mother on these outings. Thus, the family spends time together as a unit as Mr. Fallon drives them to the store to shop for groceries, to K-mart to buy school clothes (on layaway), to the mall (to window shop), and, in bad weather, to the homes of local family members to visit. When Mr. Fallon works the weekend shift, the rhythm of family life is radically altered. Ms. Driver and the children are able to walk to local stores, however, as well as to Wendy’s dance lessons and religious instruction.
In general, the ebb and flow of the children’s lives is left to them to control. Like Katie Brindle and Harold McAllister, Wendy and Willie Driver spend time hanging out with their cousins and neighborhood friends, watching television, playing games, helping with household chores, and accompanying the adults on errands. As in these other families, there are clear and decisive boundaries between adults and children. When the adults want to talk, for example, they simply tell Wendy and Willie to go out of the room; the children, without protest, get up and go. Lastly, there are significant gender differences in what the two children are allowed to do. Ms. Driver restricts her daughter’s freedom:
Willie can go out. He goes to friends’ houses, and he goes to places by himself. Whereas she is outside that door—and if I call her, she has to be [able to] hear me. If not, forget it. I won’t even let her walk to the store, a block and a half away. I will not let her walk a block and a half by herself.6
Similarly, only Wendy is required to participate in organized activities.7Compared to children in the other working-class and poor families we observed, she is unusually busy. Each week, she has a dance lesson, a Catholic class in religious instruction (CCD), and school choir practice. Unlike her middle-class counterparts, however, Wendy does not take part in these activities in order to cultivate her talents, develop her social skills, or enlarge her circle of friends. When asked what she thinks Wendy is getting from her involvement in dance class, Ms. Driver says simply:
Grace. And I guess just remembering her dances. She has no one else to depend on but herself to memorize them, and she memorizes them.
Similarly, when asked about the CCD instruction, Wendy’s mother does not, as Alex Williams’s mother would, emphasize the intellectual stimulation the classes provide. She sends Wendy to CCD because she wants to make sure that her daughter is able to be a godmother and “has a religion.” She elaborates this point, saying:
This way she’ll have all her sacraments. Even though I can’t afford a Catholic school, at least she’s getting her religion. She’s getting