Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [192]
There were many different reactions to the book. The Brindles, McAllisters, and Marshalls seemed fundamentally “okay” with it. Similarly, the Carrolls, Greeleys, and Irwins, the families who were discussed in the tables and appendices but who were not portrayed in detail in the text, did not have complaints. However, the other six of the twelve families, the Drivers, Handlons, Tallingers, Taylors, Williamses, and Yanellis, were deeply troubled by the book. One family, the Williamses, severed ties with me, as did one mother, Ms. Tallinger. The complaints varied. Some families felt that I had made them “look bad.” Some disputed the accuracy of the claims. Others felt that the portraits failed to grasp core elements of family members’ subjective experience. I invited each of the families to write a summary of how they felt about the book or to edit what I wrote. Only Ms. Taylor wrote something; in addition, the Tallingers edited my draft.15 As the summaries of their reactions (provided in the next section) reveal, there is no obvious pattern by class (or race) in how families reacted. After sharing the reactions of the families, I turn to a reflection on the challenges of doing ethnographic research.
Reaction of the Middle-Class Families
The Tallinger Family (white boy/middle-class) The Tallingers objected to the portrayal of their family. At a fundamental level, they felt that I did not “get it” in terms of how much they enjoyed the activities that kept their family so busy. It was fun for all of them. Mr. Tallinger reported that the children had wonderful memories of their participation in activities. It was not labor. The parents also vehemently objected to any hint that they might have favored one child (Garrett) and his activities over another. Indeed, they clearly recalled emphasizing the extent to which they worked to find activities that Spencer might enjoy. A committed conservative, Mr. Tallinger also objected to the book’s concluding chapter, which he found “socialistic.” Ms. Tallinger appeared to feel as if the family had been misused; she indicated in an e-mail message that she preferred not to communicate with me any longer. Garrett gave his father a holiday gift of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers, which discusses Unequal Childhoods. After reading it, Mr. Tallinger wrote me a friendly e-mail.16
The Handlon Family (white girl/middle-class) The Handlons also were not happy about the book. On the phone, Ms. Handlon said tersely, “I felt it was written by three women who were here for three weeks and who didn’t have kids.” Mr. Handlon elaborated that he and his wife felt that Unequal Childhoods uncritically adopted the perspective of Melanie’s teacher as the only legitimate point of view and thus failed to accurately chronicle the Handlons’ actual experience with educators. Ms. Handlon felt that I had failed to grasp the reality of having children, especially having a child who, every single day, was unhappy about having to go to school. When I interviewed Mr. Handlon, he conveyed this same idea by telling me a story about his choir leader. Until this woman had children of her own, he said, she did not fully understand why choir would not be every choir member’s top priority. For Mr. and Ms. Handlon, a similar kind of inexperience marred Unequal Childhoods. They too felt that I just “didn’t get it.”
Moreover, Mr. Handlon, stressing “we deliberately kept a slower pace” so that the children would have time to play outside, objected to the portrayal of their family life as hectic. References to their house being messy also felt critical to the Handlons. Mr. Handlon reported, too, that Melanie was devastated by the description of her as “chubby.” He wondered out loud, “What does it really add” to the description? He said it was