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By Root 1303 0

found repeated, with variations, in many middle-class homes.1 The Tallingers and others like them are committed to child-rearing strategies that favor the individual development of each child, sometimes at the expense of family time and group needs. By encouraging involvement in activities outside the home, middle-class parents position their children to receive more than an education in how to play soccer, baseball, or piano. These young sports enthusiasts and budding musicians acquire skills and dispositions that help them navigate the institutional world. They learn to think of themselves as special and as entitled to receive certain kinds of services from adults. They also acquire a valuable set of white-collar work skills, including how to set priorities, manage an itinerary, shake hands with strangers, and work on a team. They do so at a cost, however.

Compared to their working-class and poor counterparts, the middle-class children we observed are more competitive with and hostile toward their siblings, and they have much weaker ties with extended family members. Ironically, the greater the number of activities children are involved in, the fewer opportunities they have for face-to-face interaction with members of their own family. In the Tallinger household, except for times when they share meals (this occurs only once every few days), parents and children are rarely all together in the same room. Since both Mr. and Ms. Tallinger work, getting the children to their many and separate activities requires divvying up transportation responsibilities. Rather than go to a practice or game as a family, the Tallingers are more likely to each take a car and shepherd one (or two) of the children to a given event. During activities, children spend most of the time away from their parents. They are across the soccer field or in the middle of the basketball court; and in the Tallinger boys’ cases, age differences further divide the siblings. They never play together on the same team.

The Tallinger home is a forty-year-old, white, two-story house with four bedrooms and three bathrooms. The house is located on a cul-de-sac in a quiet suburb near a major northeastern city. The surrounding homes are well kept; many sell for a quarter of a million dollars. The house has a large picture window facing the street and overlooking an expansive green lawn. There is a large tree in the middle of the front yard; a swing made of a thick white rope dangles from an upper limb. Near the asphalt driveway that leads to the garage stand two tall poles that support a basketball hoop and backboard emblazoned with the official NBA logo. A seven-foot-long, fine-mesh black net is stretched immediately behind the backboard and poles to keep errant balls from tumbling into the neighbors’ bushes. A wooden gate provides access to the large, fenced backyard and swimming pool. All in all, it’s a classic home in the suburbs.

Inside, there are hardwood floors, wallpapered rooms, and an assortment of pets (a dog, Farley; a turtle, Ivan; and assorted fish). A baby grand piano shares the living room with color-coordinated furniture (including antique tables and a wingback chair) positioned on thick rugs. Most action, however, takes place in the kitchen, the den (where the television is located), or the large screened-in porch that overlooks the backyard and pool. Housecleaners come regularly, but the Tallinger children help out by making their beds, feeding the pets, and putting the family’s newspapers, cans, and bottles out for the recycling pickup each week. Mr. Tallinger oversees the outdoors; he periodically calls a man who comes and mows the lawn. He also manages the chemicals for the pool as well as the gas grill. When his wife is away for work, he takes care of the children by himself, making him a more active father in parenting than many.

Mr. Tallinger and Ms. Tallinger enjoy sports, especially golf, which they play at the elite private country club where they are members. Both are forty, and they have been married twelve years. They are “retreads,