Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [46]
Tyrec is almost ten; he is a small, thin, sprite of a boy. He looks like his father. He is a solid student at Lower Richmond elementary school, getting mostly Bs and Cs and completing his homework regularly. He is compliant at school, but on his own turf, he can be very assertive with peers. As one field-worker noted:
Tyrec’s peers are really important to him. He’s much funnier, cooler (no whining) around his friends [than he is at home, when his mother is present]. With his peers he gets to have intimate conversations, games, forays around the neighborhood, [and] a context in which to develop a sense of autonomy.
Even in front of adults, including his mother, Tyrec is assertive sometimes. For example, in Burger King one Sunday afternoon, he puts his white Frisbee and his large drink (which he has not finished) on an empty table. An old white man in threadbare clothes comes in and heads directly for Tyrec’s table. When Tyrec calls out, “HEY! That’s mine,” the man changes his course, veering away from the table. Ms. Taylor giggles; Anisha and I laugh as well.
Ms. Taylor has an assortment of rules to guide her children’s behavior in and out of the home. Many of her expectations she articulates explicitly. She places a premium on respect for adults. All adults, whether they are related to Tyrec or not, receive automatic respect and deference from the children. They append a “Miss” to virtually all adult female names, for example, Miss Jo, with no prompting from their mother or any other adult, (something we observed other poor and working-class Black children do as well).2 Ms. Taylor does not allow cursing. She expects Tyrec to come home when she sends for him. She sets boundaries on how far he may go from home, as well as what kinds of things he may do (e.g., walk to the public pool to swim, ride his bike, play ball in the street, since cars are infrequent) and things he may not do (e.g., go across town, come home hours later than expected, drink, use drugs). He must do his homework before he is allowed to go out and play. It is relatively common for Tyrec to go on short binges of misbehavior—repeatedly coming in late, for example. One evening he was banished from Vacation Bible School for his poor conduct. At home, when things are not going his way, he routinely demonstrates his feelings by looking annoyed, whining, or crying. Most of Ms. Taylor’s disciplining consists of withdrawing privileges and restricting the children (Tyrec especially) to the house. At times, she turns a blind eye to Tyrec’s violation of her rules (as when he was out in the street playing with friends when he was supposed to be home, on restriction). She remarks that she thinks Tyrec’s periodic misbehavior is due to the fact that he has not had a beating recently. In her view, that kind of punishment can be helpful.
Ms. Taylor complains that Tyrec is often “hyper.” But her affection for her son is visible and often demonstrated. Indeed, both parents regularly offer their son physical affection, rubbing his head or giving him a hug. For example, one evening Tyrec is watching a video (The Game of Death, with Bruce Lee), fast-forwarding the tape to the fight scenes.
At about 11:15, [Mr. Taylor] returns. Tyrec gets up, goes into kitchen where parents are. Mr. Taylor grabs his son and hugs him from behind, rocks him back and forth for about thirty seconds, says: “Are you watching that foolishness?” Tyrec: “It’s not foolishness!” Mr. Taylor: “Yes, it is. You gettin’ indoctrinated in there.”
We observed this kind of aggressive edge to displays of affection between Black and white working-class fathers and sons.
Tyrec’s parents,