Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [47]
Ms. Taylor says, “Tyrec, ask Dad if he is going to take us out for lunch at McDonald’s after the closing program.” Mr. Taylor says (quietly, but angrily, looking her in the eye), “Don’t set me up.” Ms. Taylor stares at him (standing, looking down) and he repeats, “Don’t set me up by telling them that.” She doesn’t say anything but walks off to the kitchen.
Mr. Taylor takes the family to Burger King, which is near his apartment. This choice prompts dissension, particularly from Ms. Taylor. She would have preferred going to eat in Millville, a shopping center located in a predominantly white area but frequented by a variety of racial groups:
[Ms. Taylor] says, “He had to come in the ghetto . . . [They have] dried up French fries . . . “ [Mr. Taylor] says, “I don’t like to go there. I am comfortable here; I like it here.” [Ms. Taylor] again (speaking to the field-worker, who had driven in a separate car), “We wanted to go to Millville, but he wanted to come here.”
This kind of verbal sparring and open conflict characterizes Mr. and Ms. Taylor’s relationship. Although sometimes there are friendly exchanges as well as comfortable silences, laughter is rare and tension is common.
ORGANIZATION OF DAILY LIFE: FREE-FLOWING TIME
Working-class and poor families organize their time differently from middle-class families. Children’s organized activities do not set the pace of life. Unlike the Tallingers, who consider a weekend quiet if they have only one or two events to go to, the Taylors are busy if they have one major event scheduled. Planned events of any kind are unusual for the Taylors, and the calendar is not the heart of the household. Children’s out-of-school time is relatively unstructured and, unlike for Garrett Tallinger, separate from adults’ worlds. When Tyrec and Anisha were young, Ms. Taylor’s grandmother would come to the house and watch them until Ms. Taylor got home from work. Now they are allowed to stay at home together without an adult. They generally are free to set their own schedules and choose their own activities.
Sometimes, Tyrec simply hangs out at home. One July afternoon, for example, after he returns from day camp, he, his friend Clayton, and I pass the time lying around companionably on the living room floor.
Tyrec is on the floor on his back, watching cartoons (I am lying near Tyrec) . . . Clayton is on the couch, sprawled out; he is trying to convince Tyrec to go swimming [in the public pool, a few blocks away]. As he talks, Clayton is arching his fingers forward and back in sequence. He looks languid. They are talking in low voices. Clayton can’t hear what Tyrec is saying. He slowly slides off the couch so that now he lies on his back on the floor in the small space between the couch and the coffee table. All three of us are lying on the floor with parts of our bodies jutting under the coffee table. (It all seems perfectly normal; no one makes jokes about it. We are just there.)
The amount of time allotted to any given activity varies. Television and video games are a major source of entertainment, but outdoor play can trump either of these. No advanced planning, no telephone calls, no consultations between mothers, no drop-offs or pickups—no particular effort at all—is required to launch an activity. For instance, one afternoon, Anisha and Tyrec walk out their front door to the curb of the small, narrow street their house faces. Anisha begins playing a game with a ball; she soon has company:
(Two boys from the neighborhood walk up.) Anisha is throwing the small ball against the side of the row house. Tyrec joins in the game with her. As they throw the ball against the wall, they say things they must do with the ball. It went something like this: Johnny Crow wanted to know. . . .