Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [73]
Sometimes, a form of democratic parenting seems to dominate the Williamses’ home. For example, Mr. Williams was “outvoted,” two to one, regarding the family’s participation in the study. On another occasion, Mr. Williams suggests they take a vote regarding the most efficient route through a traffic jam. But, especially in matters of health and safety, Mr. and Ms. Williams tend to substitute directives in place of discussion or reasoning. On these occasions, they tell Alex what kind of action they expect him to take, as this field note illustrates:
Christina served Alex and put salad on everyone’s plate. She and Alex debated over the green beans. Alex: “Mom, I do not want any of those. They are nasty!” Christina, in a sharp and annoyed tone: “I am not going to give you much, Alexander, but you are going to eat them.” Terry was fixing his own plate. He did not look at them. Alex replied in a whiny voice, “Well, just give me four. They are nasty.” Christina did not reply. She placed six string beans on his plate.
For Mr. Williams, actions related to playing sports competently seem to carry the same weight as health and safety. Thus, at a winter basketball game, he shouts to Alexander repeatedly:
“Alexander stick to your man.” “Put your hands up, Alex!” “Shoot the ball! Just don’t stand there!” “Alex, get open!” Alexander is a mediocre ball player. He looked at his father as he yelled/talked at him. He appeared to become more nervous and uncoordinated. Alex scored four points and blocked two shots. The final score was 34–8.7
While driving another boy home after the game, Mr. Williams delivers a lecture:
He periodically glanced in the rearview mirror as he spoke. “Denny, you and Alexander have to start taking more shots. I don’t know how many times that you guys got the ball down to the basket, just to give the ball away. It was as if all of you were scared to shoot.”
Alex jumps into the conversation and attempts to assert his own view. His father is dismissive:
Alex interrupted boastfully, “I made two baskets.” Terry replied, “And you could have had a lot more if you would have shot the ball every time that you were open.” Alex looked disappointed. He sat all the way back in his seat. Terry continued, “Back in my day, we had the opposite problem: All of the guys wanted to be the superstars and you could not stop them from shooting the ball. You guys are scared to shoot the ball.”
In marked contrast to working-class and poor parents, however, even when the Williamses issue directives, they often include explanations for their orders. Here, Ms. Williams is reminding her son to pay attention to his teacher:
I want you to play close attention to Mrs. Scott when you are developing your film. Those chemicals are very dangerous. Don’t play around in the classroom. You could get that stuff in someone’s eye. And if you swallow it, you could die.
Alex chooses to ignore the directive in favor of instructing his misinformed mother:
Alex corrects her, “Mrs. Scott told us that we wouldn’t die if we swallowed it. But we would get very sick and would have to get our stomach pumped.” Christina does not follow the argument any further. She simply reiterates that he should be careful.
Possibly because the issue is safety, Ms. Williams does not encourage Alex to elaborate here, as she would be likely to do if the topic were less charged. Instead, she restates her directive and thus underscores her expectation that Alex will do as she asks.
On another occasion, when the Williamses’ views conflict, each volunteers