Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [82]
Alex jumped over the flowers to get to the car. His mother and I took the steps. Ms. Williams said, “Alex, don’t do that.” He said, “Why not? We walked over the dirt on the way in.” She said, somewhat weakly, “Yes, but you jumped over the flowers. That is different.”
In addition, concerted cultivation can lead to role confusion, particularly over the amount of power that children have in the family. Within short periods of time, for example, there are radical shifts in the status that Alexander’s parents accord him. At times Alexander is treated similarly to how adults are treated: his opinions are solicited, he is given a “vote” in family decisions, and he even gives his parents orders. In other moments, however, he is treated as if he is a very young child, as in this example while the family is waiting to enter the church service:
Alexander was leaning on his father. Terry gave Alex a hug. Alex hugged his father tightly. Terry [then] cloaked Alex in his jacket. He made a humming sound as they hugged. Christina [then] asked in . . . a “motherese” tone: “Where’s Alexander?” Christina poked Alex who was still under his father’s jacket. (She asked) “Where’s my baby? Where’s Alexander?” Christina . . . exclaimed, “There he is! I see my baby.” Alexander laughed as his mother poked him. As a prayer became audible through the sanctuary door, Alex was freed from his play of his parents.18
Alexander clearly enjoys this playful moment. In other instances Alexander as well as other middle-class children resist their parents’ efforts to treat them as children. Instead, drawing on their verbal skills, they assert that they should be accorded special privileges and, when rebuffed, badger their parents to comply with their requests.19
SUMMING UP
The verbal world middle-class children inhabit offers formidable advantages and some significant costs. Compared to the children in the working-class and poor homes we observed, Alexander is better prepared to participate effectively in social interactions, particularly those involving adults. The Williamses’ approach to child rearing gives their son a larger vocabulary (e.g., prerogative and plagiarism); it gives him the tools he needs for customizing situations in and outside the home to maximize his own advantage; it exposes him to broader knowledge about topics of interest to him (e.g., dinosaurs and photography chemicals); it helps him learn to defend an argument with evidence (e.g., why his chosen X-Man was the most powerful); and it provides him with a larger set of skills for defending his individual preferences (e.g., eating one more potato chip).
But concerted cultivation takes time—a great deal of time. Both of Alex’s parents tailored their leisure hours to conform to their son’s various commitments. The Williamses also devoted their time and attention to talking with Alex. They taught him new words, scoured magazines for articles that might be of interest to him, elicited his opinions, challenged him to support his assertions, and pointed out inconsistencies in his intellectual positions. For his part, Alex—seemingly willingly—gave up most of his free time in order to participate in adult-organized activities.
Alexander was an apt pupil, able to absorb all that his parents taught him. The benefits of his social class position were not, however, limited to the impact of his parents’ actions. Alexander himself expanded his opportunities by beginning to implement what he was learning about his position in the social world. Specifically, he seemed to have internalized the idea that it is legitimate and reasonable for others to adjust their actions to suit his preferences; this belief provided the basis for his attempts to customize social interactions, including those involving adults.
The fact that Alexander is a young African American male also shaped various aspects of his life in important ways. He belonged to an all-Black church, and he had regular opportunities to form friendships with other Black children. His parents