Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [92]
Although Harold objects to the peach towel set, he doesn’t actually argue with his father. He merely reiterates his position. We observed a child in this family actively argue with an adult only once. The subject, food, may have been a deciding factor in both the child’s persistence and the adult’s forbearance.
As we leave to take the bus to go to Lavina’s house for a birthday party for a three-year-old cousin, Ms. McAllister yells out at all of us as we start across the road toward the bus stop: “Ya’ll eat at Lavina’s, and get filled up at Lavina’s, because I ain’t cooking when we come back.”
Late that night, around 10 P.M., the family has come back and is sitting watching a play-off basketball game on television and getting ready to go to bed. In Jane’s room, Alexis is sitting in the middle of the bed with her back against the wall, and Runako is sitting on the edge of the bed with his back against the wall and his legs stretched out. It is hot. The air conditioner isn’t on.
Runako, who was not with the group when Ms. McAllister made the announcement, asks for food. Note that he does not correct his aunt when she presumes that he heard her warning to eat at Lavina’s. Instead, he asserts he does not like—and therefore never eats—hot dogs:
RUNAKO: Can I have some food?
JANE (surprised and loudly): Some grub? Didn’t I tell you to eat all you could at Lavina’s house?
RUNAKO: I did but [didn’t like what was there].
JANE: There’s no grub. I told ya’ll . . .
RUNAKO: I ain’t going to eat hot dogs!
JANE (angrily): Say what?
RUNAKO: I don’t like hot dogs. (Louder, more defensive) I don’t eat hot dogs. You can ask my mom. I don’t eat hot dogs.
JANE (very loudly and angrily): Your mom should have said something before we fixed all them damn hot dogs. I’m telling you something right now; I ain’t going for it, all right?13
Runako is briefly distracted by Alexis. Both are sitting on the single bed (along with Ms. McAllister):
RUNAKO (to Alexis): Keep off! I swear to god, you don’t give anyone any room.
Ms. McAllister believes she hears Alexis curse.
JANE (swatting her daughter on the legs with the newspaper): I’m going to smack your ass, hear?
ALEXIS: I didn’t say that, Mom!
JANE: Don’t [pull] it in here. You know right from wrong. Now I’ll go upside [hit] your damn head now.
In a rare move, Harold’s mother then asks Runako what is troubling him. Since she (along with Harold and I) had taken the bus back, while Runako had been given a ride back from the birthday party with Alexis and others in a car, she wonders if something might have happened in the car:
JANE: What happened in the car, Runako? What happened at the car? What happened at Lavina’s house?
RUNAKO: (mumbling) Nothing.
JANE: Then why the attitude?
RUNAKO: She [Alexis] getting on my nerves.
JANE: Runako, you get on everyone’s nerve and nobody talk to you like that. (Short silence; basketball game continues on the TV.)
JANE [to all present]: Didn’t I tell you before ya’ll left?
ALEXIS: Right.
By the McAllister family’s standards, this exchange is unusual on several counts. It is lengthy, it involves a child challenging (although indirectly) an adult, and it captures Harold’s mother deliberately soliciting information from one of the children.
When Ms. McAllister uses directives to protect her children and to train them, her manner is curt by middle-class standards. In warning Alexis and Runako to ignore adults in the housing project who are known to have problems, for instance, she is brief and explicit, but not unkind:
JANE: Who Rip? Rip is drunk. I told [you] about Rip. (A bit later) He was drunk before three o’clock today.
ALEXIS: He drive a Jeep. He drove Jerome up here.
RUNAKO: He was what?
ALEXIS: He was cursing at me.
JANE: Let me tell you something about Rip. (Yelling) DON’T PAY HIM NO MIND, OKAY! He’s got a problem too.
Neither the relatively limited amount of speech we observed nor Ms. McAllister’s tendency to yell or be brusque are indications