Unexpectedly, Milo - Matthew Dicks [132]
And then Milo realized that he was sitting next to the one person in the world with whom he could share this concern, the one person who knew his secret and didn’t think of him as dangerous or insane. For once, he would be able to share his feelings with someone without lying or omitting or altering facts. For the first time since that day on the school bus when loquacious took up residence in his mind and lies and fabrications were required to exist, Milo could just be himself with another human being.
He waited a moment, considering how he might phrase his next sentence, and then he discarded forethought and nuance and took a deep breath. “I’m afraid that I’ll never find anyone else like Christine,” he said, still staring at his sneakers.
“Well, I hope not,” Emma said, rising from the curb as if to imbue her words with authority. “I don’t know your wife, but it’s clear that you two weren’t a good match, Milo. You need to find someone entirely different next time.”
“No, I mean, I don’t think I’ll find anyone else at all. Christine might have been my one chance.”
“Why would you say that?”
“It’s just true,” Milo said, rising from the curb in fear of appearing too pathetic.
“But why?”
“Look, Emma, I’m not the coolest guy in the world. I’ve got a dog named Skywalker and I play Dungeons and Dragons every Wednesday night with guys from a comic book store. I’m a hospice nurse who delivers Viagra to old men and rakes his client’s carpet. I don’t have many friends, I don’t handle new situations well, and on top of it all, I sing karaoke and smash Weebles and have another two dozen jelly jars rolling around in my trunk because some inner force compels me to do things that I don’t want to do. Finding Christine was a fucking miracle, and keeping all of my insanity hidden from her was an impossibility on top of a miracle. What are the odds of me finding that again?”
“You play Dungeons and Dragons?” Emma asked, a grin forming on the corners of her mouth.
“What?”
“I’m just kidding. Look, I could tell you not to worry, and that you’ll find someone else, but frankly, I don’t know. You’re right. You’ve got some stuff going on that not every woman is going to embrace. But I’m willing to bet all the money in my wallet that the trouble with your marriage had more to do with you than it did with Christine.”
“How can you say that? You have no idea what my marriage was like.”
“I know that you were never honest with Christine. She never knew who you really were. Sure, she just dumped you on voice mail, and she sounds like a complete bitch, but maybe being married to a stranger for three years will do that to a woman.”
“A stranger?”
“Yes, Milo. A stranger. You probably expended more energy keeping secrets from your wife than you did opening up to her and letting her know who you really are. What do you expect from her? Is it a surprise that there’s no passion in your marriage? That you have nothing to talk about? That she’s bored? She’s married to a guy who can’t share half of his day with her.”
“So it’s all my fault, then?”
“Don’t get pissy with me. Asking for a divorce on voice mail is an awful thing to do, and I have no doubt that Christine is a piece of work. I’ve got no love for the woman, and I have no doubt in my mind that you’re too good for her. But I also know that she married a man who hid the truth from her from day one. She had no clue about who she was really marrying, and that sucks for any woman. And it was pretty selfish of you.”
“Pretty harsh for an advice columnist. Don’t you think?”
“Bullshit,” Emma shot back with a smile. “That’s why my column is going to get syndicated. I don’t screw around.”
“So then what advice do you have for me?” Though he tried to sound flippant, Milo wanted to know the answer to this question