Unexpectedly, Milo - Matthew Dicks [133]
“You? That’s simple. If you’re going to get into a relationship again, be honest this time.”
“Easy for you to say. You’ve got secrets too, you know.”
“I know,” Emma said. “That’s why I don’t date. Until I get myself together, I’m not good for anybody, and I know it. I’ve got about half a dozen bad relationships to prove it. And even though I bitch about my therapist and his desensitizing bullshit, I’m on my way north. Aren’t I?”
“Well, a trip to New England isn’t nearly as embarrassing as telling a woman who you barely know that you have to let the air out of your tires because some—”
“You told me.”
“Not everyone is as enlightened as you.”
“Thanks.” She smiled again, this time a warm, friendly smile that Milo returned in kind.
“One more thing. Like I said before, I wouldn’t tell you to change a thing about your life. Be yourself if that’s what you want. But if you’re embarrassed by these demands, and you said that you were, then maybe you should think about doing something about them. If you’ve got to keep them a secret from the people you love, then maybe you have a problem after all. But that’s not my call. That’s yours. Love yourself or fix yourself. Okay?”
The image of Louis the Porn Fiend, a.k.a. Hot Potato, entered Milo’s mind. As perverse as that man had been, Louis had not been ashamed of or embarrassed about his predilections in the least. He was a man whose living room was designed to watch pornography, and he made no bones about it. And he thought about the Brysons, Emily and Michael, two enormous human beings who had shown no signs of self-conciousness as they piled enormous quantities of food onto their table and encouraged their unexpected guest to join in. He thought about Arthur Friedman and his unabashed affection for Internet pornography and Viagra-assisted masturbation. He thought about Edith Marchand and the carpet raking and Grace Bedford and her necklace of baby teeth and marveled at their willingness to share their oddities with the world. Milo wondered again if he could ever be as honest or as unabashed about his secret life, if he could share the demands of his U-boat captain with his friends or future dates or even a stranger knocking on the door. He had always been simultaneously disgusted and impressed with Louis’s courage and honesty. He had found the Brysons to be both warm and repulsive at the same time, a combination of hospitality and excess that he both admired and abhorred.
Perhaps he worried that others would feel the same about him if he was to be so open about his own secrets.
“Okay,” Milo said, knowing that no decision would be made in the parking lot of this gas station. Some of what Emma said had hurt, and he suspected that much of what she said would echo in his mind for days, but for the first time in his life, Milo had been completely honest with someone, and he suspected that it had also been the first time someone was able to be completely honest with him. “By the way,” he said. “How much money is in your wallet anyway?”
“None,” Emma said with a grin. “I never carry cash. I live and die by the credit card. But I was still right.”
“I know you think you were.” This time Milo smiled first.
“So what’s next?” Emma asked, turning toward the car.
“I don’t know. I guess the sheriff will leave the papers in my mailbox. Or he’ll keep nosing around my apartment until I come home. I’m not sure how this stuff works.”
“Not that. I mean with you. What’s next? Bowling or karaoke?”
“Oh. Well, I’m not sure if we could even find karaoke, but the GPS should tell us where the nearest bowling alley is.”
“How are you feeling?” Emma asked.
“I’m okay. Letting the air out of the tires helped a lot. There’s still a lot of pressure to bowl and sing. It’s hard to explain. It’s not really a voice in my head. It’s more of a force. A throb. But talking about it, out in the open like this, has helped, I think.”
“Good. Then let’s get going. We’ll need to find a hotel soon too.”
“I have a place in mind. It’s less than an hour from here, but it’s nice.” Milo paused a moment,