Up & Out - Ariella Papa [59]
After the meeting, I save a lot of my files to disk and plan to bring home a couple of things from my office.
Jen comes into my office, hopping from foot to foot. I assume she is going to offer me her support about what’s going on and spend a little time dissing Delores, but she is acting weird.
“Do you want to shut the door?” I ask. I go back and forth between wanting to just sit here all day with the door closed and feeling like I should have the door open and try to fool the world.
“Okay.” She shuts it and sits down in one of the chairs. She is fidgety.
“It’s going to be okay, Jen. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You’ve got Hackett.” I try to keep my issues with her uncle out of my voice.
“It’s not work,” she says. “Are you still seeing that guy who lives in my building?”
“Seamus? Yeah.”
“It is Seamus.” She looks upset.
“Why? Have you seen him?”
“No.”
“What is it, Jen? You’re acting funny.”
“Well…” She starts to pick at her cuticles. “I keep seeing this girl in my building.”
She stops and sort of grimaces. I take a deep breath, not really sure where this is going, but suspicious.
“Today after I got coffee at the bagel store we met at, I saw her on the subway platform.”
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Petra.”
“Petra?” I don’t like the sound of this.
“I was friendly to her and we obviously recognized each other. ‘You live in my building,’ I said.”
“What did she say?”
“No, my boyfriend does.” I open my mouth. I close it. I open it again.
“And is her boyfriend’s name Seamus?” She nods.
“I’m sorry, Rebecca. I agonized about telling you this. I was hoping maybe you had gotten back with your old boyfriend.”
“I didn’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m glad you told me.” I really am I guess. I just don’t know how to feel.
“I’m sorry, Rebecca.”
“I know. You said that. It’s okay.” She acts like she isn’t sure what to do next. I really want to be alone. “It’s okay.”
She takes the cue and leaves my office. I pick up the phone, intending to call Seamus. I could shoot this as a horror film or as a subtle foreign drama. I hang it up. I don’t want to deal with this right now. When it rains it pours. I’ll see Seamus on Thursday, we’ll eat a good meal and then I’ll get to the bottom of this. I can’t care about it much more right now.
We go to Blue Water Grill, because we can sit outside on the patio. I keep looking for some sort of sign from him. I keep trying to figure it out. Is he going to break up with me?
I’ve been running through this situation in my head a lot. No, I haven’t told any of my friends. No one knows but Jen, who has been hovering around me awkwardly. I guess it sucks to be her, too. It’s not easy to give someone such bad news. And yet, I feel responsible to her to get to the bottom of this, to dump his ass before he dumps mine. Jen knows I am seeing him tonight and therefore she is entitled to some sort of story.
Part of the reason I haven’t told anyone, I think, is because I want there to be a reason for this. I figure if I don’t tell my friends, they won’t think he’s a dick, and then remind me of it when I don’t want to hear it.
In spite of myself, I’ve played this out in my head in ways that actually absolve him. Like maybe there is another Seamus who lives in his building. Jen didn’t know my Seamus, before I told her about him, so maybe when I mention this to him it will all be a happy coincidence. Tomorrow, I’ll go into work and explain the silly mistake and we’ll laugh, ha-ha-ha.
Or maybe this Petra is a crazy stalker. Maybe they used to date and they broke up and now she just lurks around his apartment building. Seamus is just too kind to get a restraining order. Tomorrow, I’ll go into work and describe the girl’s tragic life and the honest mistake and we’ll laugh, hee-hee-hee.
It’s possible that he’ll completely deny it and I’ll believe him and go and speak to Jen tomorrow and she’ll tell me that she has this ear infection that she didn’t know about, which made her unable to hear things properly. When she heard Petra (whose name is probably Kendra) tell her