Up & Out - Ariella Papa [94]
“I can’t believe he did this. What an asshole,” Beth kept saying, over and over. I wanted to be anywhere but in this room, with these people.
“What did Lauryn say?” Tommy asks.
“To keep her updated.”
“She isn’t coming down?”
“What do you think, Tommy?” Beth says, with a tone I never could have used.
We wait three more hours, taking turns getting weak, cheap coffee at the deli nearby. Beth is wired, I am anxious and Tommy is quiet. A Dr. Shinners comes out to talk to Tommy about what is going on. He looks at me, and I know that he needs me to listen in, too. While the doctor is talking, Tommy holds my hand. Beth notices and shakes her head.
“We stitched him up, but we still have to do an X ray. I know there were a lot of drugs in his system and the cuts were positioned in a way that might imply intention.”
“What’s that in English?” Tommy asks.
“Do you think your friend was trying to hurt himself?”
“No,” Tommy says. He looks at me. “You don’t think?”
“No, not really,” I say. But the possibility was there, like my moment of clarity. It was more knowledge I didn’t want.
“Okay, well we definitely want to keep him for observation. I’d say at least twenty-four hours.”
“Okay, can we see him?”
“Yeah, but don’t stay too long. He’s in C.”
“Beth, you want to come?” Tommy asks.
“That’s okay, I’ll wait.”
“Beth,” he says.
“Let her, Tom,” I say.
“Yeah, Tom,” Beth says, mocking, “‘let her.’”
Jordan was still in the E.R., in a room with a lot of beds. He is staring up at the ceiling. He looks pale. He smiles when he sees us. His smile is vacant.
“How you doing, man?” Tommy asks.
“Oh, okay.” He looks at me. “I guess I can’t be Gus anymore.”
“No,” I say. “Now you’ll have to act with people.”
I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say. I meant it as a joke. Where was the handbook?
“Did you call Lauryn?”
“We couldn’t get hold of her,” Tommy says before I can react. Jordan turns away from us. He puts the arm that isn’t cut up over his face. I touch his hair. For once, I feel bad for him. Maybe he doesn’t know how not to be a fuckup.
“She isn’t going to come down,” Jordan says. He shakes his head. “I thought I could do anything.”
“I’ll stay tonight, man,” Tommy says. “I’ll stay with you.” He looks at me. “You should go home.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Tommy lowers his voice. “See about Beth, okay?”
“Yeah. Bye, Jordan. Feel better.”
The sun is coming up as Beth and I catch a cab. We are sharing it up to my place and then Beth will go on to her apartment or to whatever trouble she can get herself into. The quilted carts are on the street. They are going to the corners where people will sleepily start their days. I feel like there is coffee coursing through my veins instead of blood and I wonder what is coursing through Beth.
“This is it,” I say to the driver. “Take care, Beth.”
I get out of the car. Beth tells the driver to keep the meter on and gets out, too. “Why the attitude, Rebecca?”
“No attitude. I just need sleep.”
“For the long day of unemployment you’ve got tomorrow,” Beth says.
“Beth, just go home.”
“Say what you want to say, Rebecca.”
“There’s nothing to say, Beth. I’m going to bed.”
“It wasn’t anything, you know.” I shake my head—I don’t want to know. “It was just fun, you know, one of the things we did when we were having fun. It doesn’t always have to be this big deal.”
“He’s Lauryn’s ex.” She shrugs. I turn my head and look down the street. I don’t want to see her in this light. “Lauryn is your friend.”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Okay,” I say. “Okay, I won’t make it one. Bye.”
Back in my apartment, I crank the AC, put on the Food Network and wrap myself in a blanket on the couch.
Esme is tugging my sleeve again. Ever since I saw her on TV, she hasn’t talked to me, she just keeps coming into my dreams and running along next to me. Sometimes she dives into the Hudson River and I hear her laughing when I wake up,