Vampire Mine - Kerrelyn Sparks [99]
“In order to save another man’s life. And ye healed that child out of compassion. Yer heart has always been good. Whereas mine . . .” He turned away.
“Are you ashamed? Is that why you refuse to talk about it?”
He snorted. “Shame and remorse weigh heavy on my soul, but they doona prevent me from living my life. They dinna stop me from falling for you.”
“Then why are you reluctant to talk to me?”
He swallowed hard. “I’m . . . afraid.”
“Of being punished? Of going to hell?”
“Nay.” He turned to her. “I’m afraid of losing yer love. Yer respect. I could bear anything but that.”
She remained silent for a while. “I believe I’ve been insulted.”
“How?”
“You must think my love for you is very small. Shallow and . . . undependable.”
He stiffened. “I dinna say that.”
“Then try me. Give me a chance to prove myself.”
“And a chance for me to lose you?”
“You won’t lose me.” She patted the blanket beside her. “Trust me. Please.”
With a heavy heart, he sat beside her. He’d held the pain inside for so long, he hardly knew how to let it out. “If ye hate me, I willna blame you.”
She rubbed his back. “You’ve hated yourself more than enough. I won’t add to it.”
He bent his legs and folded his arms across his knees. Could she still love him? With a pang, he realized he’d reached a point where he needed to know. He needed to put an end to the pain. And he needed the certainty of her love.
He took a deep breath. “I was thirty years old, proud to have my own land and a lovely young wife. But the land was along the border, and an English lord was claiming it for his own. So in 1542, I went to fight at Solway Moss.”
“And that’s when Roman found you dying?” Marielle asked.
“Aye. After he transformed me, he and Angus warned me no’ to go home. They said my wife wouldna be able to accept me. That’s what happened to Angus, ye ken. But I dinna listen. I went home, and my wife . . . she welcomed me.”
“That’s good.” Marielle patted his back. “I’m glad.”
He sighed. “At the time, I thought I was the luckiest man on Earth. There I was, a terrifying, bloodsucking creature, and she still wanted me. Now, I wonder if she really had any choice. She was six months’ pregnant when I was transformed. Her parents were deceased. She had no other place to go.”
“I’m sure she loved you,” Marielle whispered.
“ ’Twould have been better for her if she had rejected me. The news spread through the local village, and the people feared for their lives and the lives of their children. I would work the field at night, but they would come and throw stones at me and yell at me to leave. I had to find secret places for my death-sleep so they wouldna try to kill me while I slept.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged. “I drank blood from our livestock and worked hard on the farm. I thought after the babe was born, and the villagers realized I meant no harm to anyone, they would leave us alone. The night my wife gave birth, I was there to help her.”
He hugged his knees. “I will always remember the joy I felt, holding our wee babe in my arms. I thought my heart would burst. I fell into my death-sleep thinking no man could possibly be more blessed than I.”
He stood abruptly and walked away from the blanket.
“What happened?” Marielle asked.
“I awoke the next evening and rushed to the house to see how Fionnula and my daughter were faring.” He shut his eyes briefly as the memory flashed through his mind. “The men from the village had killed them both.”
Marielle gasped and rose to her feet. “How could they? Why would they do that?”
“They figured I was only staying there because of my wife and child. So they killed them to be rid of me.”
“Connor, I’m so sorry.” She touched his arm.
He scoffed. “Do ye think the story ends there? That I cried for my wife and daughter, then quietly made my leave?”
Marielle’s eye widened.
“Oh, I cried, all right. I shouted and screamed. I tore the house apart. I flew into a rage that ye canna imagine. A cold rage that turned the world blue and froze the blood in my veins. I took my claymore and went to the village. And I slaughtered