Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [103]
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It is crucial during the wake of a breakup to eat three square meals a day, even if you don’t feel like it. Drink plenty of water. Sleep eight hours a night, if you can. Exercise for an hour each day.
Just taking a power walk through the neighborhood or the park will do. You must maintain your health, no matter what. Even though you’re heartsick, if you can manage to keep your mind and body well, your heart will have no choice but to follow.
Eventually, once you adjust to being alone again, single will no longer be a dirty word. You shouldn’t consider it a dirty word anyway, not if you have your own success by which to define yourself. Look at your life, taking the time to admire all the things you’ve done well. Find success in your children and all you have accomplished in your career up to this point. Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come. By focusing on the things you have, and not the losses you’ve incurred, you’ll be able to shift your mind-set from negative to positive and continue on the path toward even more success.
Allow breakups to change you for the better. They should make you want more for yourself, if for no other reason than to show him that you can and will do better once he’s gone! Be determined to not fall by the wayside, as if you actually needed him to be happy and successful. Fulfill all your dreams on your own and maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll realize you no longer want or need a man around to validate who you are. Take some time out and revel in your oneness, realizing that, as long as you’ve got you, you’ll never be alone.
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Recap
The key to the art of breaking up is to be able to deal with it and move on.
When a woman has herself together, she is better equipped to handle life’s rough patches and unexpected losses, including the exits of boyfriends and husbands.
You learn a lot about yourself during these moments of intense, seemingly hopeless dejection.
Remaining stuck in a grieving state for too long can have a corrosive effect that’s even harder to recover from.
Even though you’re heartsick, if you can manage to keep your mind and body well, your heart will have no choice but to follow.
Allow breakups to change you for the better.
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Section 5
Maybe It’s You
After serial failure you have to find the common denominator in all your relationships which, of course, is you. So, here’s a thought: maybe it’s not everyone else’s fault or responsibility. Maybe the weight of your relationship woes rests solely or mostly on you.
Chapter Forty-four
Getting Married vs. Being Married
You did everything right. You worked on you, pursued your dreams, and met many of your personal goals, becoming a strong, confident woman who knows her worth and place in the world. You mastered being single, but when you felt ready for a partner in life and love, you took all the appropriate steps to attract the right man for you. Once you found him, you fully engaged him. Things were wonderful. He was just as excited about you as you were about him. The relationship was established on solid footing where you both took the time to know each other, and it continued to positively evolve to the point where you both wanted it to continue to the next level, the big level—marriage. So you do it, and it’s the happiest day of your life. His, too! This is all the bliss you’ve ever dreamed of and more.
Then, somehow, everything goes terribly wrong. The relationship unravels and the dreaded D-word—Divorce—has come into play. You’re stricken. This was never supposed to be a part of the plan. So, what happened? Why are you suddenly faced with splitting up your lives, your property, and your children?
Looking back, most of us can remember when we got our first Barbie doll and how we couldn’t take her home unless we had a Ken doll (or “action figure,” for you men reading along) to go with her. Even if you bought Career Barbie, with her pink briefcase,