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By Root 437 0

Maybe you’ll lie under the covers for days without showering. You might even go without showering for as long as a week. Your appetite may diminish and you find yourself crying every few minutes of every day for months. That crying, moping, and not eating then turns into severe depression, as you end up fighting with your psychologist over whether or not you should be given antidepressants and if it’s really wise that you be left alone for large stretches of time. It feels as if you’re in the middle of a never-ending catharsis, where the pain just seems to go on and on. We’ve all known this feeling at least once, even if you never went as far as seeing a shrink for your heartache. It’s a horrible place to be emotionally but, as bad as it feels, there is still some good that can come from it. You learn a lot about yourself during these moments of intense, seemingly hopeless dejection. You learn your boundaries, your limits, and your thresholds for pain. You make decisions during these moments that determine whether you will ever visit such painful thresholds again. You examine your recently ended relationship and measure it against what you really want. Ideally, you grow a bit wiser, choosing to make positive steps forward instead of remaining stuck in the fog of failure.

You owe it to yourself to emerge from the ashes renewed, reinvigorated, determined to be even better than before. Experiencing the pain is a necessary part of growth, but it’s just as important to take steps toward healing. The loss of a romantic relationship, in many ways, is comparable to a death. The grieving process takes place in stages, and an appropriate amount of time must be allotted for coping and healing. How much time is appropriate varies from one person to the next. Remaining stuck in a grieving state for too long can have a corrosive effect that’s even harder to recover from. Fortunately, we are made of tough stuff. Women were built to be resilient, capable of weathering emotional storms and springing back stronger than ever. In my case, I don’t always remember the first day I knew I was back on the road to wellness, but I do know the things that helped me get there. It may sound corny, but it was all the things your grandmother or junior high gym teacher told you to do when you were in grade school trying to recover from your first crush. Things like taking care of yourself and redirecting your attention to what really matters. Now that you’re an adult, those same rules apply, with a more grown-up focus.

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Vixen Tip

Here’s how to start getting over him.

1. Pay very close attention to yourself. Focus on your physical and mental health and well-being. Now is the perfect time to be self-indulgent. Pamper yourself with spa treatments, if you can afford it, mani/pedis, and/or a wash-and-set (if not a whole new hairstyle). One of the best feelings in the world is having someone, even if it’s just a masseuse or a stylist, take care of you when you are going through an emotional transition.

2. Focus on your needs and yours alone, with the exception of your child(ren).

3. Put your household on a regimen that ensures stability and keeps you focused. Get up at the same time every morning, if you can. Have breakfast according to schedule, get dressed in a consistent fashion, follow a constant pattern as you head out to work. Clean, vacuum, and pay bills on days that remain fixed. Attend classes at the gym that force you to arrive by a certain time. Take full baths nightly, even if you typically don’t do so. The tranquility and soothing waters will help restore your peace of mind. By setting things in place that allow you to feel structured, you can, by degrees, begin to feel in control of your life again.

4. Take your life one hour at a time, knowing that if you think too much, too long, or too far in advance, you could lose concentration and fail.

5. Write your schedule down and follow it to the letter. No exceptions.

6.Keep busy with your housework and career.

7. Go out alone and enjoy being you—a single woman.

8. Go out with your