Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [106]
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For married women, maybe the issue is that once you snagged your man and hauled his ass down the aisle, you gave up because your goal was realized. You, as Barbie, got your Ken. Mission accomplished. If you’ve always dreamed of getting married and not of being married once the honeymoon was over, perhaps you have no more substantial goals you’ve identified, outside of having a nice house and some children. You probably never considered how to keep your relationship fresh, exciting, and new. You got your man, after all, so why should you keep up appearances? You have no one to impress anymore, right? Wrong! Sorry to break it to you, honey, but marriage means that now you have a legal obligation to impress this man for the rest of your life, a legal obligation to have sex with him, a legal obligation to be a present and functioning partner. This is what you signed up for, and this is what he signed up for with you.
Some of us have let ourselves go after marriage and children, thinking the chase is over. As long as there is a man in your life, the chase will never be over. Just because you have captured a lion doesn’t mean he’s suddenly going to turn into a tabby. Your man is a hunter. He always has been and always will be. You have always been bait. Don’t stop now. The same way you attracted him is the same way you’ll have to engage him and keep him—forever. Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it?— but whoever said marriage was going to be easy? It’s not. It requires hard work, just like anything else that matters to you, like your education and career. Marriage is a long haul, so you’d better be up to the eternal chase, because that’s how it goes, even once you’ve tied the knot. Chase, capture, release, and repeat—ad infinitum, or at least until death.
Change the way you think and speak about marriage. Instead of telling your man you want to get married, tell him you want to be married and stay married. Every day you wake up next to him, show him how badly you want to be married. Knock his socks off with your prowess and ability to please. Be that same sweet, understanding woman you were when you were dating. You know the one I’m talking about. The woman who didn’t nag and push him away with major attitude because she was busy setting the stage for a wedding. The other woman, the one who’s all hyped up about putting together a big bridal affair, she’s scaring him to death, making him wonder if he may be getting hitched to someone who might turn out to be a total bitchy disaster. Calm down. Step away from the bridal magazines and www.theknot.com. Continue to enjoy dates with your man and wild nights of unbridled (yes, that pun is intended) passion. Be his whore, be his freak, his own personal slut, but most of all, be his wife. Be married.
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Recap
As children, we never saw the pretend marriage of our inanimate plastic dolls through anything beyond the birth of Ken Jr. and the swapping out of new clothes.
This stunted cycle has set millions of little girls everywhere on a pattern that has managed to replicate itself in their adult lives.
You usually have to hunt for the stuff about keeping a marriage together.
We plan for the fairy tale, but not for the “happily ever after” and what it may or may not entail.
You probably never considered how to keep your relationship fresh, exciting, and new.
As long as there is a man in your life, the chase will never be over.
Change the way you think and speak about marriage.
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Chapter Forty-five
Relationship Stockholm
In August of 1973, a bank was robbed in Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden. Gunmen held four people hostage for six days, from August 23 until August 28. During that intense six-day period, a very interesting thing happened: the hostages became emotionally attached to their captors. Despite the fact that they were being held against their will, in what could only be classified as a dangerous situation, when they were finally released, they defended and expressed loyalty to the robbers. It was