Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [107]
As it pertains to men, women, and romantic relationships, it is not uncommon for this same peculiar pattern of victims supporting victimizers to evolve. A woman whose esteem, confidence, and morale have been deeply eroded after years of being treated poorly in her relationships, may find herself sympathizing with, then overglorifying, unworthy suitors and mates. Let’s say your man is a pig. He comes home after work and throws his things all over the place, letting them drop where they may. He then sits on his fat ass, dishing out orders with no concern as to how you’re feeling or if you need any help around the house. You make excuses for him by saying, “He’s tired. His job demands so much from him that there just isn’t anything left for me. He loves me, though. I know it. I mean, at least he comes home instead of going to a bar to unwind.” Was that an option? He’s not supposed to go to a bar to unwind. You’re in a relationship, after all. But I digress. Back to the pig. Let’s say one day, he decides to put his clothes away instead of just letting them drop on the floor. Perhaps it’s out of momentary guilt, or maybe his mother’s coming to visit and he wants to make sure things are letter-perfect. Whatever the case, he picks up his boxers from the bathroom floor and helps with the dishes. All of sudden, according to you, he’s the cat’s meow. He helped around the house (once)! He’s the best man ever!
That’s classic Stockholm, ladies. Learn to spot it. Does it sound like you?
How about this scenario: after years of dating men who were obviously missing the chivalry gene, you’ve become supersmitten with the one guy who has ever opened a door for you or helped you in and out of your overcoat. After just one date, you’ve confidently declared this poor man a keeper; he might be “The One,” when all he did was what any decent man should. You want to reward him with the abundance of your regard and affection because he did something that should be standard. Now comes your self-imposed pressure. You’ve put all your eggs into his basket because, the way you figure it, he must be the be-all and end-all, since he cared enough to treat you like a lady. Fast-forward to the one day he doesn’t return your call exactly five minutes after you called him and you’re jumping down his throat. He’s mystified by your behavior and, like any bright man confronted with something so extreme, bolts. Bye-bye savior! He was “the good one,” or so you thought. Back to the drawing board.
The reality is he may not have been the one. He might have just been a decent man who knew how to treat a woman. There are plenty of them out there, but because you’ve settled for substandard behavior for so long, you now see any act of kindness and consideration as a bonanza. Kindness and consideration from a man should be a given, not a rarity. It should be part of the standard equipment, like his mouth, face, and the brain inside his head.
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Vixen Tip
Sometimes when a man meets a woman who knows how special and important she is, he calls her stuck-up. The type of man who does this is the type who knows he could never measure up to her expectations of any man, so he tries to tear her down and make her feel badly about herself. He, essentially, tries to bring her down to his level. The sad part is that after a while of hearing, “You’re stuck-up,” “You need to lower your standards,” or “You think you’re too good,” you begin to fall into the trap and your self-esteem decreases as a result. Soon, you’ve lowered your standards and expectations and giving any ol’ local joker the time of day and night. You begin to grow accustomed to your new, downtrodden way of being. Then when a guy comes along and treats you like the gem you once believed you were, you act as if you’ve been saved from death by sea. Here’s the tip: always hold yourself in the highest esteem and never allow anyone to make you feel badly for it. Know