Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [108]
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It’s important that you realize your value and expect to be treated like the treasure you are. If a man doesn’t hold the door open for you as you enter and exit buildings together, make a mental note of it. If he snatches up the last slice of pizza without offering it to you first, take heed. If he never gives a compliment, beware. These are all cues to who he is. That doesn’t mean that he’s a good-for-nothing dog if he doesn’t open your door, but it might indicate he’s singularly focused…on himself. We let way too many things slide when it comes to how others, particularly potential mates, interact with us. Almost immediately, from the moment we meet them, men show us and tell us who they are. Are you paying attention?
Refuse to enable and support a man who doesn’t deserve you. Don’t accept a subpar relationship when there are so many good, encouraging, loving men out there seeking a worthy partner. Enough with the dating Stockholm, already. Aren’t you tired of bad treatment? Good! The next time a date doesn’t hold open the door for you, don’t open the door to your heart, your mind, and your life. The next time the man you’ve claimed is The One throws his dirty clothes on the floor for you to pick up, take a good look at yourself in the mirror as you’re bending down and ask yourself if this is truly a man who deserves all your love and care. If the answer is no —and it should be—demand satisfaction. If he can’t give it, then you need to put him and his dirty clothes out the door.
It’s time to send these disrespectful men on their way. A queen would never stand for this kind of behavior. You are queens, ladies. Act accordingly!
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Recap
A woman whose esteem, confidence, and morale have been deeply eroded after years of being treated poorly in past relationships, may find herself sympathizing with, then overglorifying, unworthy suitors and mates.
Kindness and consideration from a man should be givens, not rarities.
From the moment we meet them, men show us and tell us who they are.
Refuse to enable and support a man who doesn’t deserve you.
A queen would never stand for disrespectful behavior.
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Chapter Forty-six
Choosing the Wrong Man
Let’s be brutally honest with ourselves. After all, that’s what this book is about—brutal honesty. Most of us have done our fair share of dating and being in and out of relationships. Take the time to ponder the following for a moment: when you think of all the men you’ve dated, have you ever noticed a pattern? We often find ourselves striking out with men over and over because we are, essentially, dating the same man over and over. Most of us have a type, a certain sort of person we find most attractive. Some of us like them tall, dark, and handsome, and others are attracted to the short, bald, aging executive look. But types, like beauty, are much more than skin-deep.
There are plenty of psych courses and psychotherapists who can explain to you why you’re attracted to what you’re attracted to, just in case you’re not sure. Perhaps it’s the prototype of your very first love and you keep finding yourself mesmerized by men who remind you of him. Maybe men who smoke pipes are irresistibly sexy because you had a favorite uncle or grandfather who told you pleasant anecdotes when you were small and he smoked a pipe while doing so. Our attractions are often triggered by positive feelings and early impressions. Whatever the reason, when we’re sparked by someone we find alluring, the instinctive response is to want to act upon it.
What we want, however, isn’t necessarily what we need. How many times have we found ourselves with men who weren’t good for us, but boy, did we love them! Like the stereotypical bad boy that no woman seems to be able to resist. He’s rude; disobeys state, federal, and personal laws; pees in the potted plants at the finest hotels; and is always getting picked up by the cops for nonpayment of child