Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [113]
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Recap
Insecurities sometimes turn into man-eating beasts that can swallow up our lives and our men, and ruin any attempts we make at having healthy relationships.
If you are filled with self-assurance, it’s like flipping on a thousand-watt light switch when you enter a room.
A lack of confidence in yourself or your mate is a surefire way to run him off.
Address why you fear being abandoned or cheated on, or have trust issues.
Seek ways to build up your confidence.
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Chapter Forty-nine
Misery Loves Company
Are you happy? Are you ever happy? Do you find yourself constantly running men off? When you do have a man, you nag him nonstop, to the point where he’s constantly bolting out the door, away from you. You’re an emotional wreck who never seems to be satisfied. You find fault in anything and everything. If man repellent came in a spray can, your face would be on it. What the hell is wrong with you?
No man wants to be bothered with us when we are like this, vexed and utterly unhappy, spewing and spreading venom through our accusations and actions. Being in that kind of environment can be toxic and debilitating. All the negativity becomes airborne, like a pathogenic disease, infecting everyone who enters your space, even those to whom your wrath is not directed. Everyone suffers, even the innocent. Still, you can’t bear to be alone because you secretly can’t stand yourself. You wish you could break out of your skin and be someone different, someone better, someone who doesn’t complain at every turn. Instead, you remained trapped in this toxic state, afraid to change. Unable to escape your self-loathing, you choose instead to drag your mate into it. After all, misery loves company.
How long do you expect him to stay? How many men do you have to run off before you realize that you’re not healthy relationship (or even healthy friendship) material? Sometimes it’s difficult for us to see ourselves and even more difficult for us to believe the opinions of others as it pertains to our behavior. Stop. Take a moment before flying off the handle and simply listen. Do a ten count before you launch into your usual full-blown freak-out. Learn to master your emotions and don’t let them master you.
If this is you, decide to try something different. The negative approach is obviously not working. Listen to the feedback your friends and loved ones give you about how miserable you are. Instead of taking offense to your man’s observations, or those of your friends’, use the criticism as an opportunity to evolve. When someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. It’s also true that when you show someone who you are and they show it back to you, you should believe that, too!
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Vixen Tip
Sometimes it’s helpful to seek the assistance of a professional third party. People who are unhappy within themselves are constantly projecting their unhappiness onto others. If you are this sort of person, it will be increasingly difficult to find happiness or to keep a happy mate. Sometimes, girlfriends and writing your grievances in a letter just aren’t enough. Sometimes, your issues are so deeply rooted that only a trained professional can help you. Consider all the options and roads to happiness if you wish to have a pleasant and productive relationship.
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If you’re the type of woman who can’t get happy, be happy, and stay happy, there’s only one result you can expect, and it’s not going to be a good one. You’re going to infect your man with your negative spirit and corrode your relationship. More than likely, he will become just as miserable as you and remain in the relationship because he doesn’t know how to leave, and you will be two of the most miserable, lonely folks alive…together. You will be people repellents. Who would want to be in a space where such unhappiness exists? Who would want to invite the two of you over? If he doesn’t stay, he will