Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [13]
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Vixen Tip
Compartmentalize your life. Leave your outside life out there. When you’re home, be the woman your man and children need you to be. Turn off your mobile phone, give your laptop a rest, and sit at the dinner table and enjoy a meal with your man and family. Make the weekends, or your time off, theirs and take that time to manage your home, giving them all those creature comforts that make a house a home.
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There is a fine line between independence and loneliness. It’s one thing to know how to thrive on your own and enjoy your own company. It’s another to have learned to exist on your own because you don’t know how to include someone else. A man needs to feel needed. There has to be an opening, a place for him to fit. If we become so independent that we begin to act and talk as if we don’t want or need a man at some point in our day and in our lives, no man will ever be there. Of course, there are some people out there who don’t want a mate and are more than happy to grow old alone, fall out of the shower, and press one of those Life Alert buttons to summon for help or, even better, teaching Mr. Sniffles how to dial 911. If that’s you, that’s okay! For those of you who would like to spend your days with a mate and maybe a couple of kids and a dog, be careful how you present your independence. Never be ashamed of it, but never, ever use it as a shield.
Any one of us can be guilty of this. I think realizing the difference between independence and loneliness was one of the most difficult things for me to do once I felt I’d successfully completed my first five-year plan. Becoming a homeowner, as a single mother, was a proud moment for me and I wasn’t afraid to let everyone know it. It was as if I suddenly had this Daffy Duck complex, this, Mine, mine, mine! and You can’t do anything for me that I can’t do for myself! attitude. My partner had to point out these flaws to me; it also took my own constant cognizance and practice to curb my way of thinking and speaking about my accomplishments and independence. Yes, I had come a long way from sleeping in my car in just five years, but instead of sharing my life, I was using it to keep him and others out of it. My “Mine, mine, mine” demeanor, with its off-putting tone, would have eventually reduced me to a world with just “me, myself, and I.” A strong, supportive, and confident man with just as much to offer would not be able to tolerate all that me, me, me-ing. Not for long, anyway.
When we cloak ourselves in our independence, it is the equivalent of making an escape route. If a man believes that you don’t need him and might possibly bounce, or bounce him, if he makes one false move, he’s never going to feel secure. He needs to feel that he has a necessary place, especially if you are the more financially successful one in the relationship. It’s no myth that a woman who makes more money than her mate can be perceived as a threat to his masculinity. You have to walk that line gingerly and with great consideration. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to play the damsel in distress on occasion and let your man take care of you. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not the equivalent of playing dumb or surrendering your sense of self. What it does mean is that once in a while, it’s okay to act as if you don’t know how to solve a problem and need to seek his help. It will bolster his confidence in himself and his standing with you. It will make him feel useful. Let down your guard. Let him in. When we don’t know how to allow others to assist us, it makes us less apt to grow in a relationship and jointly deal with the challenges that present themselves.
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Vixen Say What?
A woman who cannot stand down may