Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [15]
So, Vixen, you ask, what if my child wakes up during the night, comes out for a glass of water or to go to the bathroom, and sees the sitter? Now what? Is he going to be traumatized because Mommy’s not home?
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Vixen Tip
Your sitter should be someone you know, someone with whom your child will feel at ease in your home. It should be a family member, a best girlfriend, or someone close to you whom you and your child trust. If it’s someone you have to hire, you should find a way to make this person your friend. Treat the sitter the way you would a suitor. You take the time to get to know a suitor—do the same with the sitter. Visit the sitter’s house. Get to know the sitter’s family and friends. Ensure that this person is trustworthy. Once you’ve gained a certain level of confidence, then, and only then, introduce the sitter to your child as one of your friends so that your child will view the sitter as such. The sitter should not just come over for work but should be welcome during times outside of work. She (or he) should genuinely become your friend. That way if your child wakes in the night and sees the sitter, it doesn’t necessarily mean Mommy went out. It just means Mommy’s friend came over to hang out like she always does.
Many of you who work outside of the home may already have day care for your child, which you use during the workweek. You may find equal success using them for aftercare services, if available, since you and your child will already be familiar with them and have a certain comfort level.
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Ideally, make a friend your sitter, but if that’s not possible, make your sitter your friend. For those of us who don’t have family or friends to depend on, there is an added stress of trusting a sitter with your most precious possession. Even though you’ve befriended your sitter and gotten to know her background, you’ll still find yourself calling home throughout your date, checking to make sure everything at home is okay. Eventually, you will adjust, and as long as you have found balance between your dating and your family life, so will your little one. But it’s usually awkward in the very beginning.
Once you’ve gotten past the sitter issue, an even greater one has the potential to present itself. What happens when you meet a man you actually know (and not just think) might be the one, but he hasn’t met your child yet, since you’ve been cautious and deliberate about introducing men into your environment? This is the part where your heart jumps into your throat—the day the kid meets Mommy’s “friend.”
This can be terrifying for a single mother and terribly overwhelming for our children. You wonder what your child will think about all this. Our kids are so fragile, capable of being enormously impacted by what we bring into their world. You wonder, Will he like the man? What title and description have you given identifying who this man even is? Have you and your man definitively concluded that you are, in fact, in a serious relationship? Real relationships don’t just happen. They have to be decided upon and agreed to mutually before you begin to get your children involved. You and this man should have common objectives and plans with every intention of moving toward them and which include your child. When you finally introduce your child to your man, it should be with the explanation that this is your mate, and he has come to be a part of both of your lives.
Your child should be included in the decision of bringing a man into your family.