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By Root 462 0

When children aren’t included, they often act out, and you end up having two separate relationships—one with your lover and one with your child, which is the mistake I made and explained above. Having two separate lives may sound as if it can work, but it can’t—not successfully. If you’re in a relationship, it means your child is in that relationship, as well. The nature of your romance should be explained to all the necessary members of both your families so that there’s no confusion. Your children should never feel uncertain about the standing of the person you are bringing into their lives, having to guess what this man’s role will be. Even more important, he absolutely has to make his intentions evident through his actions: taking time to get to know your child, allowing your highly impressionable young one to see him being a helpmate to you and not a hindrance.

Your children have to see this man making you happy, helping you around the house, and helping to make a difference in their lives without forcing his presence upon them. Ever so gently and cautiously, your mate should interject those male wisdoms that only a man can.

Even though so many of us have been told, or convinced ourselves, that we can be both mother and father to a young girl or boy, this is one of the biggest lies being passed off today, to the detriment of children and families everywhere. There are things a man can give to both you and your children that will enrich your family beyond your expectations, if you’ve taken the time to be sure your man is the right man for all of you. Between teaching your young son about household and financial responsibilities and the proper way to care for and about women, and instructing your young daughter on how to pay those fresh little boys in school no mind and hold her chastity close, a man’s words can be highly influential and life-altering.

It is imperative that we make sure to date only men who want to have children, are fans of and champions for them. To do otherwise will create tremendous drama, frustration, and conflict for you, your man, and your child. This was the underlying reason why, in the relationship I referenced earlier, I was unable to include my son in activities with my man. I wound up creating an alternate life and a lifestyle that allowed no place for my son. The moment I heard this man was no kid lover, I should have walked away and found a man worthy of us both. This was my mistake. I only hope you will do the opposite and spare both you and your child unnecessary pain.

And let’s not forget your child’s father. Whether he’s a baby daddy or your ex-husband, he’ll need to be notified as to who the new man in your and his child’s life is going to be. Be careful, however. Make this introduction only when you’re sure it’s the real thing. Real, as in engagement-ring real. Even if your ex is the worst man in the world, you have to respect him enough to make him aware that another man is coming into your world, thus having the ability to affect his child. There are plenty of good men who are concerned about having their children around someone who could potentially cause them harm.

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Vixen Tip

Meet your ex to discuss it, preferably in a public place, over lunch or coffee. Ultimately, you must introduce him to your man so that your ex can be assured your man is safe. Depending on the type of baby daddy you have, he may not give his full support, but he will appreciate your making the effort to include him. If he is a truly fair man, he’s already an active part of your child’s life and has a good relationship with you. If he’s the violent, brooding type, however, you may have no choice other than to forego this option. Whatever the case, as long as you take everyone who matters into consideration, the dating process should flow much more smoothly.

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Recap

You have to be strategic about introducing the element of dating into the secure world you’ve created for yourself and your child.

Your child should never even see the sitter in the initial stages of your