Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [26]
Trust me, I’ve lived through that, and it was compounded with physical and verbal abuse. But just because you’re not being thrown around a room or having your teeth knocked out and being calling a stinkin’ bitch doesn’t mean you’re not an abused woman. The man who took care of me was in control of every move I made, everything I thought and said. He knew he had power over me and I knew it, too. I could do or be nothing without him because he held the purse strings—or so I thought. After four years of living under his rule and with his financial manipulations, I left him and I took nothing but my son.
Getting out from under a man who uses his monetary standings to control you is difficult, and serious sacrifices may have to be made. Some men have said, “It’s cheaper to keep her,” but more often than not it costs us more to stay. Yes, it’s okay and quite natural to be attracted to a man who has the ability to provide, but just because he has the ability doesn’t mean you should depend solely on that ability to survive. Never date or marry for money. It will never buy you love and honor.
While being a kept woman may sound like fun, I can tell you from personal experience that it very rarely is. We live in a country where the divorce rate soars well over 70 percent. If that holds true—and the reason it isn’t even higher is because it can be a pretty harrowing legal process that some people would rather not undertake—then it must follow that the breakup rate must be at least somewhere around 98 percent. There are no legal repercussions to breaking up with someone. Sure, there are emotional, monetary, spiritual, and maybe even physical ones, but no courts need be involved. So what’s my point? you ask. My point is this: If you’re dating a man for his money, odds are he’s already figured that out. Odds also are high that once he’s gotten what he wants out of you and becomes bored, he’ll replace you. Then where will you be? If he was the sole breadwinner, it means you’ll most likely be right back where you started, in that raggedy old apartment you hate so much, or, worse, in Granny’s basement, back on the prowl for the next well-to-do man to swindle.
Does the thought of this excite you? It shouldn’t. This is no life for you. This is no life for anyone.
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Vixen Tip
Be sure you’re with him for love and not money.
1. Follow your heart, not trends.
2. Offer to pay for meals and activities from time to time. A real man will not accept but will note your willingness to share the burden.
3. Don’t take advice from friends on who to be with, especially those not in relationships or in miserable ones. You decide who’s right for you.
4. Be careful not to pass on a man with great potential, who will love you for being with him in leaner times, for a man with money who will question your motives.
5. Do not lie to yourself or try to fool him. If you have chosen a man because of what he can do for you, you don’t deserve his love and he most certainly deserves better. He will eventually see through you.
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Ladies, the best way for you to not end up in this situation is for you to achieve success on your own. Money should never be the driving motivation for entering a relationship. You may end up living a fabulous lifestyle as a result of the promise of financial security, but that is never enough on its own. There are several other factors to take into consideration when selecting a man, many of which are addressed throughout these chapters. If a man happens to be well off in addition to those factors, then good