Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [35]
Once I began putting together the pieces of my life, somewhere around the beginning of 2002, I realized what I had been doing wrong throughout the years and that the use of just one word would have been able to save me an enormous amount of heartache and regret. One of the most important pieces of advice I have ever given to women, both young and old, is to become the ultimate authority on the word no. A powerful woman can never be persuaded to do anything she does not want to do. Her opinion may not count to the entire world, but when she speaks, everyone in her world listens. This doesn’t mean that it’s either her way or the highway, since in a relationship both compromise and understanding are required. What it does mean, however, is that her opinion counts and holds weight within her relationships and household. As a result of commanding this kind of respect, you may find words like bitch and diva being applied to you. Don’t let it break your stride or alter your mind-set. Words such as these are impotent tools of the insecure, both men and women, who otherwise don’t know how to deal with a woman who is confident in her identity. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with either of those words. I’ve been called worse, and it hasn’t stolen my thunder in any way. As long as I am in control of my own time and space, little else matters. You should never be afraid to assert yourself and be self-empowered. At the end of the day, only you can be held accountable for your life. There’s a way to do this even when you have more than yourself to consider, such as a mate and/or children. By being comfortable in your own skin and assured of your value, accomplishments, and self-worth, you, in turn, empower and strengthen those around you.
Ladies, we are capable of having and being everything we desire. Know this to be true. In the process, it is necessary to understand how to shift among the many roles that we undertake in our multidimensional lives. Sometimes it’s difficult to be one way at work and with our friends and colleagues, and not take that same dominant persona into our homes. We often operate singularly in the world, and when we arrive home to our mates, we continue in that singular mind-set. Part of a woman’s power exists in knowing when there must be a changing of the guards, to know that it’s okay to relinquish power to her male counterpart.
A powerful woman has her own everything, including her own educated opinion. You should take it upon yourself to be informed, and be able to hold an intelligent conversation about current events and stand your ground in a debate. You should have your own sense of style and not follow the lead of others. It is also imperative, in this day and age, to have your own money and your own way of making more as you progress in life. To be powerful, you must not need a man to support you, although you can allow him to. It is also a good idea to have a life outside of your home and relationship, taking the time to enjoy life with your own friends and family.
Even if you are possessed of all these things—your own opinion, money, and a place in the world—a woman of power knows