Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [4]
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Recap
One of the primary keys to a healthy relationship is for both of you, though no longer single, to remain singular.
If you don’t go within, you go without.
It’s hard for a potential mate to see who you are when you’re lost in a cacophony of women.
Romantic companionship can be tremendously enriching, enhancing all areas of our lives.
Know your singular self.
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Chapter Two
The New Dating Game
This is where things start to get fun, ladies, but it may require a bit of thinking outside of the box on your part. Feminism was supposed to liberate us, to broaden our options and level the playing fields. For some reason, however, in the postfeminism era, things have gone terribly awry for us on the dating front. Contrary to the ways of our grandmothers, we’ve relegated ourselves to dating one man at a time. One man? How absurd! Many of you consider this the only way, the wholesome way (as if!), but here’s why this is not such a good idea: dating one man at a time can be not only a setup for severe disappointment but also a waste of precious child-bearing years, quarter- and midlife crisis time, even your retirement. None of us have time to waste, even in our youth. We should always be learning, growing, exploring, and expanding. So why do we insist on seeing just one man at a time, putting all our figurative (and sometimes literal) eggs in a proverbial basket that might end up being a monumental disaster?
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Vixen Say What?
Too many cooks may spoil the pot, but not if there’s more than one pot cooking.
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I’d be lying, however, if I said I didn’t understand why some of you date in increments of one. Something very interesting happens when a woman—a confident woman—elects to broaden her options by dating in multiples. Words like whore, strumpet, tramp, trollop, tart, and harlot have existed for as long as those sorts of women have been around. Once upon a time, these terms were reserved strictly for their literal use, applied to women who earned them and, quite frankly, may not have minded that sort of branding. Whores have been business owners and entrepreneurs, evolving into madams with their own successful brothels. These terms exist because these types of women exist, but why must these terms be carelessly and cruelly applied to a woman who has simply chosen to weigh her options? Do not let the fear of being labeled keep you from making the best decisions for yourself. If that includes dating multiple partners, then do so with confidence, unmoved by the unwarranted scrutiny that may come your way.
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Vixen Say What?
Opinions are like assholes—everyone’s got one and they’re all full of shit.
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Today, in certain social circles, if a young woman danced with ten different men during the course of an evening in a nightclub, onlookers are likely to turn up their noses. Some of those noses may be attached to the faces of jealous women or to men on the prowl for easy prey. The young woman may be called any number of derogatory terms, but why—for filling her dance card? Some of you might ask, “What the hell is a dance card?” and that, I say, is where my theory begins.
From as early as the eighteenth century, when an unmarried woman attended a social affair, such as a formal ball or cotillion, she carried what was known as a dance card—an elaborate booklet attached to the wrist by a decorative cord. This booklet listed the title of each dance and the name of the composer, along with a blank space to enter the name of the man with whom the woman had agreed to dance for that particular song. The men a woman danced with were typically suitors, those who were most interested in her. Dance cards were a big deal, especially in the nineteenth century and well into the first part of the twentieth century. In some instances, it was the rule that a woman (who, by the way, was always referred to as a “lady,” not a “strumpet” or a “whore”) should