Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [5]
This ritual continued beyond the ballroom. It was the norm for an unmarried woman to see several suitors while in search of her one true love. It was also standard, even required, for a man to ask permission of the woman’s family, particularly her father, in order to visit. If permission was granted, the suitor would perhaps come over for dinner, participating with the entire family and never left alone with the object of his affection. Eventually, permission would be given for the man to take the woman on a date, and even then a chaperone might accompany them. This was required of each suitor so that the family, and the woman, could determine his suitability. Sure, times have changed, but if it was okay back then for a woman to be courted by several men, why not now, when we’re so much more progressive?
I’m all for bringing courtship back, and the only way to do that is to create competition. Men love a challenge. They are hunters and gladiators. They love the thrill of winning and being proven better than any other man. Give them the chance to bring out their inner hunter. Make them fight for you—figuratively, of course. You don’t want your suitors to come to blows. Requiring a man to compete for your affections will allow you to assess who he is and the way he may strategize, implement, and achieve—or, conversely, fail to do so. It lets you see just how much you mean to him and how far he is willing to outmatch and outwit his peers to gain your love. Creating competition amongst your suitors is easy. Let’s begin with what I like to call the Starting Five, as detailed in the Vixen Tip on the following page:
Your first—and therefore, faulty—assumption was probably that I was recommending that you have five men whom you juggle sexually, which is far from what I would ever suggest. When men don’t have to work for something, they don’t. If you had five men who could access your bed without restriction, you would see no more of them than they wanted you to. Sex, ideally with someone with whom you share a mutually strong emotional, spiritual, and physical connection, is reserved for the top dog, and maybe number two, if he is a close contender and you want to explore his potential to be more. By having options, you allow yourself the freedom to change your mind, the latitude to get to know other men who, in the process of competing for you, reveal aspects of themselves that you may ultimately find more endearing, attractive, and commitment-worthy as you get to know them. Moreover, if your top candidate unravels at some point, as men sometimes do, you still have others with whom you’ve been cultivating friendships, men who are excited about you. And what woman in her right mind doesn’t love that?
* * *
Vixen Tip
In a notebook or on a sheet of paper tacked to your refrigerator, write the numbers one through five in ink and fill each slot with names—in pencil. For a more manageable list, try using just three names. These should be men you like and enjoy spending time with.
Your number one should be the man who captures your attention like no other and who pays the most attention to you. He is sincere, thoughtful, and caring, a real gentleman. For this man, you will answer the phone any time of the day or night, even though he knows better than to call at disrespectful hours. You will join him on trips out of town and lay around with him for days, talking about anything and everything. You will leave another man at the drop of a dime if he calls, but only because he has earned it, not because you are slavishly at his beck and command.
Your number two is a close runner-up but is missing that certain flair that keeps you up at night, replaying