Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [46]
* * *
Vixen Tip
Ways to move on from past heartache.
1. Find inspirational music that makes you feel stronger and understood, be it spiritual or secular.
2. Indulge in all the things that make you feel like more of a woman. Sugar scrubs, mud masks, and nail polish—all those girly things that make us feel even more beautiful.
3. Revamp your wardrobe.
4. Indulge in vigorous exercise. It will give you loads of energy and help you work out all the aggression you are harboring toward your ex and even his mother!
5. Further your education.
6. Completely reinvent yourself and make a point of reconnecting with friends who are very supportive and egg you on with good old-fashioned girl power. By the time your ex is completely out of your life, you’ll be ready and able to start over, leaving that loser and all those bad feelings behind.
* * *
As for those losers who couldn’t appreciate you, know that the best revenge is looking good and living well. You should also be aware, however, that this could very easily trigger a pattern as you begin to date again. If you repeatedly find that everyone ultimately leaves you and none of them ever returns, you might be the constant negative variable. Have you purged those bitter feelings from an earlier ill-fated relationship? Are you transferring those unhealthy emotions to the new man in your life? Even after you’ve regained your power, position, and sense of self-worth, you may still have issues regarding love and trust. If that is the case, no well-deserving man can be expected to stay, and won’t, making it harder for you to differentiate between the bad boys and the good guys. You’ll just mistakenly view them all as a series of bad men who left poor little you, the supposed victim.
* * *
Vixen Tip
In all your bad relationships, the common denominator has been you.
* * *
When you do find yourself in another relationship, it is very important that you never bring in past issues that you believe to be resolved. This can be just as dangerous, if not more so, than holding on to issues from your past. When an argument has subsided and peace has been reached, whatever the disagreement, it should be truly over for you. Be careful not to dwell on any mistakes made by either party or to compare this new relationship to an old one. Even I find myself having flashbacks from my past, wanting to punish the man who loves me now for the sins of the man that never did. It’s easy to make someone your whipping boy, especially if it seems like he’s willing to endure it, but that doesn’t make it right. Eventually, he will leave you, too, and you’ll find yourself back in the same abandoned boat. I often have to talk myself out of this way of thinking and rationalize my way through it. Reason and logic are the only way. If you truly love the man you are with and respect yourself, you’ll accept his faults, and yours, and move forward together, learning from each other’s mistakes and not punishing each other for things that happened in the past.
It’s natural for people in relationships to argue and disagree, and even though it’s usually uncomfortable, it can be very necessary. What we as women need to remember is that with our emotional currency intact, we have the power to change the direction of an argument from bad to better. We need to remember to fight with love, acceptance, and intelligence. Of course, I would never suggest going through the motions of an argument without speaking your mind and making your point, but after a while you have to just let it go, even if the two of you are still at odds.