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By Root 474 0

as well as fashion, beauty, and the weather. This could prove a threat to their own intellect, revealing what they consider chinks in their well-crafted armor that might have gone unnoticed had some annoying broad not pointed them out by bringing up subjects they were unable to discuss. This type of man would prefer that his woman just shut up and look good. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dated one of these men. They are legion, ladies, so beware. To some women, this is a dream come true. Some women have been raised to just be pretty and at their man’s beck and call. But for those of you who want more out of life, those who know your worth and have established your life goals and desire an equal position next to their mates, this will never suffice. Not ever.

In one of my past relationships, I realized that the highly intelligent, wealthy man I was dating was more interested in my body and way of dress than my intellect and life experience. There were times, while getting dressed for a night out, when he would ask why I didn’t wear more provocative clothing, such as miniskirts and shorter tops with more plunging necklines, even in the winter months. When we were in crowds or with his friends, he often didn’t introduce me but would ask someone’s opinion on how I looked that evening. Eventually, the introductions were made, and I carried my own in conversations and, in turn, impressed his friends. Once, during a fight, he said to me out of anger, “All my friends think you’re stupid.” That’s what he wanted me to think. After dating porn stars, Playmates, and hookers with no intellectual capacity, he wished

I were like them—pretty, sexy, and sexual, with nothing else to offer. He couldn’t handle anything more. It was easier for him to choose to attempt to break my spirit at that moment, by insisting all his friends thought I was stupid, than for him to accept and deal with me as someone who was intellectual as well as sexy.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, someone told us that we can’t have it all, and for some reason we believed it. This doesn’t just apply to women classified by others as beautiful, but to smart women, as well. Since entering the world of publishing, I have met a number of women who are incredibly talented and learned, women who have followed the smart-girl blueprint. They were the model students in high school and found their ways into some of the most prestigious universities in the nation. These are women who have earned respectable degrees and have gone on to work in a well-respected industry and make names for themselves. Some of these same women also wish they were more physically alluring to the opposite sex.

Many of us are so focused on our careers and education, so set upon being the smart girl and being taken seriously for our minds and not our bodies, that we neglect our bodies altogether. As is the case with many women I have come across, one day they find themselves in their forties and emotionally unfulfilled, because they forgot, or never stopped, to take the time for a social life or a family of their own. It’s okay to pursue a social life while you’re building your career. Life doesn’t mandate that we be all of one thing and none of the other. You don’t have to be either pretty or smart. You can be both! It’s perfectly fine. Women do it all the time. You can and should be one of them!

It’s okay to come out of your trousers once in a while and show a little leg in a business skirt at work, or something even shorter on casual days. It’s okay to buy clothes that actually fit and don’t hang on your frame like a burlap sack. More than anything, it’s okay to be smart when the rest of the world expects you to be only pretty, and to be pretty when the rest of the world expects you to be only smart.

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Vixen Tip

No matter how you look or how far you have gone in your education and career, there are a few things I think everyone should do, men and women alike. When I was dating one of the smartest men anyone could have the pleasure of meeting, he taught me the importance of periodicals.