Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [53]
As a woman, you are responsible for so much and so many. Like it or not, it is an expectation that comes with our sex. You only do yourself an injustice if you are not completely self-sufficient and reliable. A man loves to know he has a woman who can take care of herself and him and their family. A worthy man wants to be supported at times, not always leaned upon. Even a man needs an occasional crutch and wants to know that the woman he has chosen not only carries her own weight in their relationship, but can also carry his, if necessary.
As a liability, the only thing you can carry is a child and, in the event the relationship with the father ends, those children will be the only tangibles with your name on them.
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Recap
A woman who is a liability cannot offer anything of substance to her man and their relationship.
No matter how big or small, create a life outside of the one you and your mate have built together.
Men compare what they have at home to what they see out in the world.
Financial abuse is a very real form of abuse.
Relationships are tough enough without compounding them with liability.
If you wait for someone else to save you, you have already made yourself a liability.
Dream big, set goals, and stick with them.
A man loves to know he has a woman who can take care of herself and him and their family.
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Chapter Twenty-one
Pretty vs. Smart
We’ve all heard the old adage, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” While I’m sure this is true, there seems to be a bit of confusion about who the beholder is. Everyone has an opinion when it comes to women, and one of the first to be expressed is usually based on our outward appearance. There have been countless studies on the art and effects of beauty in an attempt to define it and, ultimately, understand our attraction to this ideal.
One study showed that babies are more attracted to symmetrical faces. Another concluded that the average person doesn’t think of beautiful women as smart. This same study also showed that the average person participating in the study did not believe that a sexy woman, nor a woman who is overtly sexual in nature, could be intelligent. And just based on my own personal experience, I have noticed that many people, men especially, are shocked to find that a woman who looks like me not only reads and collects books, but also writes them. Since I live in Los Angeles, a place notorious for its emphasis on the superficial, the basic assumption is that I am a model or an actress. No one ever assumes that maybe I’m a schoolteacher or a medical student. Only when I reveal I am a New York Times best-selling author does the conversation become intellectual—after their initial shock, of course—whereas, when the individual assumed I was just another pretty girl, he spoke to me as if I were three years old. All right, maybe not three, but so severely limited in scope he assumed I couldn’t carry on a halfway decent conversation.
Knowing how demeaning it can be to be treated this way, I wonder why so many of us feel the need to dumb down when in the presence of men or those we feel subordinate to. So many women in my generation, and generations before, are waiting for a man to make them. We focus on our outward appearances and neglect education or pretend as if we have none. We find ourselves desperate for companionship and feel as if intelligence will only challenge a man and his bravado, encouraging him to find someone more apt to following his lead without question or input.
Again, as we’ve already discussed, there are lots of men out there who are very superficially focused. They only want a woman with a pretty face and a perfectly sculpted body. They have no desire to be with a woman who can hold a conversation about world events, politics, and literature,