Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [64]
Back to those little white relationship untruths: this doesn’t apply to being honest about your feelings and thoughts. A woman or man who is worthy of trust is straightforward and direct. Neither of you should have to bite your tongue for the other, but you should operate with a certain level of grace and finesse. There are positive ways to deliver even the most hurtful information. If you and your man have truly built a relationship where you know that you mean each other no harm, then truth will have no choice but to live among you. Be as forthright as possible. At the end of the day, the pain of truth is dull compared to the pain of the untruth.
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Vixen Say What?
Allow no one to take you off your square.
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Most important, trust yourself. Be aware of and follow the guidelines you have set for yourself. Once you’ve defined your moral, spiritual, and emotional compasses, resolve to never behave to the contrary. Your man will follow your lead when it comes to how he should treat you, and only when you trust yourself can you be assured of the treatment you deserve. It naturally follows that when you trust yourself and your own instincts, you’ll be much more inclined toward healthy interaction with others and open to trusting them. Even if that trust is somehow breached, you will always be composed by the trust you have in yourself.
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Vixen Tip
We often find ourselves suspicious of our mates, wondering if they have lied or have been unfaithful. We sometimes take it upon ourselves to spy and root out the answers for ourselves, thus breaking the trust in our relationships. If you ask your mate if he has been unfaithful or untruthful and the answer is no, then you should be willing to accept that as the truth. As a woman, you have natural instincts that are clear and definitive about what is true and what is not. Follow those instincts. If your man breaches your trust or cannot disprove your suspicions, let him stand on his lies. He’ll have no choice but to face them. Do not compound the matter by losing your cool and giving him something to blame you for. Do not retaliate by breaking his trust in you. There’s something to be said for the old adage, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Let that be your wisdom.
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If the two of you are able to create an environment of open communication—something that eludes many relationships today when most people are hiding IMs and secretly texting—you will find that your relationship will thrive. Even in the worst situations, you’ll be able to trust each other to tell the truth and to do so with compassion. Trust has always been a difficult thing for me. After being hurt and let down so many times, almost constantly, it seemed almost impossible for me to let down my guard. I’d reached a point where I expected to be let down. What I’ve learned, however, is that you get what you expect, and if you don’t take a chance, none will be given. How can I get what I want out of life if I’m not willing to open the door and receive it? That takes trust.
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Vixen Say What?
Trust yourself enough to trust others.
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Trust is the only way.
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Recap
The objective in a committed relationship is for you and your man to stand strong against weaknesses, even in the face of great temptation.
Most people lie without the intent of causing harm.
Trust goes much deeper than demanding someone not tell lies or cheat.
Without real trust, you cannot establish a healthy relationship.
There are positive ways to deliver even the most hurtful information.
Trust yourself.
You get what