Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [74]
* * *
* * *
Vixen Say What?
Everything has its place. Put it there!
* * *
Speaking of old-school mothers and grandmothers, I find it amazingly rewarding to spend time with women older than I am, especially those who have the wisdom and experience that comes with the passage of time and are willing to share that knowledge to benefit others. If you are fortunate enough to have women like this in your life, learn from them. Ask questions. Don’t consider yourself so wise that you don’t know how to listen to your elders. You and your mate will appreciate them for it.
* * *
Recap
It is not uncommon for women to underestimate men’s intelligence and attention to detail.
You’re being graded.
We have to be vigilant of even the most minute details as they relate to our bodies, our selves, and the environment we live in.
Sex can go only so far.
Keeping a nasty home won’t cut it.
Seemingly inconsequential things—fine china, cleanliness, a good home-cooked meal—set the terms by which every woman is defined.
Most men, though they may never admit it, are looking for a little—or a lot—of their mothers in their mates.
Don’t consider yourself so wise that you don’t know how to listen to your elders.
* * *
Chapter Twenty-eight
Give Him What He Wants
(‘Til He Don’t Want It No More)
Let’s be real. We’ve all heard the same rhetoric—“Relationships are fifty-fifty,” “It’s all about give and take”—the usual schlock, most of which evolved during the rise of feminism, when women wanted assurance of being equal partners. But let’s harken back for a moment to the simple advice our grandmothers have always been quick to dish out: Please your man. Give him what he wants. While that may sound like an outrageous suggestion in an age where we as women pride ourselves on independence and “getting ours,” there’s something to be said about the fine art of submission. If you really want to get yours, make sure, first and foremost, your man gets his.
“Getting his” can mean a number of things, including, but not exclusively, sex.
Think about it. Seriously. Has there ever been a moment when your mate asked for something that you found either alarming or absurd—like space, for instance—and you had no idea where the request came from or what to do with it? Our typical response to things that seem counter to what we want in the relationship is to fight, but do you even know why you’re fighting? On the surface, it’s because he’s asking for something that seems to threaten the order of your universe, something that somehow might mean he no longer wants to be with you. That could be true, but more than likely it’s not. You wouldn’t know that, though, because you haven’t taken the time to find out. You immediately went into fight mode and everything fell apart.
* * *
Vixen Say What?
You cannot hold relationships together by falling apart.
* * *
Most of the time, we fight because we are selfish. We’re making it about us. Step outside yourself for just a moment. Consider his feelings. Be your man, if you can imagine that. It might be hard because we’re so conditioned to react instead of sympathizing in moments like this. He’s trying to take away the goods. You’ve invested your time, your emotions, and perhaps a great deal of your money in being with him. How dare he want space! The nerve!
Let’s rethink this, though. There’s a new strategy to be had in all this.
He just told you he wants some space. Okay. Then space it is! Don’t be mean or sarcastic about it. Give your man what he asked for, no matter how hard it may be, but before he goes, let him know how much you love him. Then love him. HARD.